advice

Leave Them Alone

Howdy peeps!!! Do you ever feel like you need to fix someone?  Like you see someone and you know all the crap that they should do to feel better.  You know that they just need a, b and c.  Then they would be just fine!  You may have even let them know that you know what they need.  You know and if they listen they would know too.  Have you given that advice, told them what to do, only for them to ignore it?  Did you get pissed off?  Did you feel insulted?  Did you, at some point, judge them for not taking great advice and decide that they just wanted to be where they are.  Did you judge the fact that they stayed where they were as a problem or that they just wanted drama?

Maybe they did want the drama.  If the above relates to you then you too want drama.  Most of the time when you or anyone gives advice that isn't asked for then you are doing something without permission.  When was the last time someone did something for you/to you without your permission?  Did you like it?  Did it make you feel uncomfortable?  Depending on what it was you will have different answers.  Most folks aren't going to be upset if someone bought them a car, no strings attached, without permission.  Most of us aren't going to be upset if someone we knew and loved gives us flowers.  Most of us, however, have no desire to be told that we suck and that we wouldn't if we only did a, b, and c without first asking someone to help us or give us advice.  When you give advice without permission, when you tell someone what to do directly and then support it by judging their life, do you expect a showering of love?  Even if the advice is sound, well thought out and pertains to the person's life, they may not be ready for the change that you are pushing them towards.

Now, I always say you only get what you can handle and that everything happens for a reason.  I believe that when you get advice that is unsolicited there is a reason… maybe it is to hear it and then to ignore so that you sit in the place you are in longer to get out of it whatever it is trying to show you.  The bottom line is, we are where we are supposed to be, doing what we are supposed to be doing, even if family and friends want you to do it differently.  We can only go where we are ready to go.  Once we accept that we are the ones keeping ourselves where we are we will better be able to leave at will.  When you are done with a relationship there is nothing that can keep you in it.  When you are no longer receiving you cut off ties.  If you are holding onto a relationship/situation there is a reason.  Remember, it isn't for everyone else to know why, that is personal… and you may not even know why yet, you just know that you aren't ready to let go.

Often those who give unsolicited advice may need to look at themselves and their lives a bit harder.  There are things we are trying to avoid when we begin bossing others around and deciding that we know best for them.  When you feel the urge to get someone to change who hasn't initiated it themselves, you are projecting.  I am sure you can remember a time where you were in a situation/relationship that wasn't working for all intents and purposes but for some reason you chose to stay in it.  When you did decide to get out of it you were ready.  No one can decide when the right time to change your life is.  No one can make you see something that you aren't ready to see.  Just trust in the process of growth.  You cannot always see the plant growing, but it is steadily, persistently, continually growing… constantly changing.  What if we told the tree to hurry up?  Does that make sense?  Do we feel like we know how to tell a rose to bloom or when?

Leave us alone.  Leave them alone.  Go bother yourself :)

xo

a

Direct Yourself

Howdy! When is the last time you tried to tell someone what to do without being asked for help?  How did that work for you?  Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that our lives should be emulated by others we feel don't have their lives 'together' or are directionless.  You have heard, and may have even said, that so and so should have their own place by now or should have some idea of what they want to do… etc.  Who the hell said?  Too often the biggest issue we have isn't doing what we are supposed to be doing, but doing what others think we are supposed to be doing.  It isn't that difficult to figure out what you want when everyone else leaves you the hell alone. :)

So many folks who have "direction" as they say feel that everyone should be where they are.  They also believe that their direction means that they are good and that others without what they define as direction are not as good.  Some folks that are subjected to this type of pressure will buck it altogether.  Others jump aboard the direction train that leads them to someone else's dream instead of finding their own.  What if they were went in the direction their heart and soul led them instead of where their big brother or sister persuaded them to go?

The funniest, and saddest in my opinion, part is that the ones who are giving the advice to those who don't seem to be running the same race, is that those folks don't have their sh*t together either.  When someone has their ducks in a row, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, they aren't at all interested in persuading others to do what they do.  They are interested in finding out what is going on for others out of love and curiosity.  The idea of pushing someone in one direction or another, the idea of having a deadline for figuring out the rest of your life, and the idea that they would know what someone else is supposed to do more than that person themselves is not even had.  Those who want to direct others without permission are usually not doing a bang up job on themselves.

If you are one of the directionless or haven't figured out your dream or dreams do your best to not let others opinions cloud your intuition.  You will know when you know.  We are not meant to all walk the same way, dress the same way, talk, think, love, work, etc.  We are not to be carbon copies.  We are not to live the life that someone else wants to live.  We are here for our own personal purpose.  It is your responsibility to figure it out or not.  Life is to be experienced, enjoyed, lived.  Go. Do. Be.

xo

a