Hi! One of the hardest things to realize is that we have to do it ourselves. It, everything, all of it. Now, it doesn't mean we don't get help, on the contrary, that is one of the best things about other people existing, they can help. But they cannot do it. If I am thirsty you could drink all the water in the world and my thirst would not be quenched. If I don't like myself, you could love me unconditionally and I would only be able to receive a fraction of it. You have to do it yourself. Really. You cannot ask your partner to do something different so that you can feel differently. Well, you can, but understand that you are pushing in a direction that may not go where you would like it to. When we put the onus on someone else to make us feel happy, sad, or whatever, we give away (or try to) our power to truly find joy, contentment and everlasting love to someone else that actually cannot, no matter how hard they try, give you anything of the sort.
When you recognize that you are the key to your happiness you have to recognize that you are also the key to your pain. I understand why so many people choose to put that on someone else. Working on how you treat yourself is one of the most daunting things that we are faced with. Most people much rather look at the 'wrongs' of others instead of paying attention to whether or not they are 'wronging' themselves. Paying attention to the details of our actions, feelings and thoughts, is not something that most people choose to do. Being disciplined about learning the ways in which we treat ourselves well or not so well is not something that most people practice. The most common response to life is numbing out when things are not going the way we want them to, or blaming others and abusing ourselves. No matter how aggressive you are about not being responsible for you, you cannot get away from the truth. No matter how many people you have duped into believing that they make you feel one way or another you will never figure your sh*t out until you take all of it back.
The best part of it all is that you are not in charge of anyone else. You don't have to have the weight of the world on your shoulders, just your world. You are not the cause of reason for anyone else's anything, seriously. That means you will need to unload the baggage of others. It also means you will have to find another reason for feeling useful. So many people don't feel useful unless they are helping someone else. I totally get that, my work is to serve. The first person who I must serve is me. If I am not well fed, loved and nurtured what use am I to anyone else? Additionally, once you really dig in and do your work you find out how much nothing is ever about anyone else… and it is all about, whether you want it to be or not. We filter everything period, there is no hope of not filtering, as long as use our senses to gather information. When you do your work you are better able to serve because you aren't trying to save, you are just helping people along their path, not trying to get them to go down yours, or have them take on an area of your own life you have refused to manage.
Be kind to yourself and loving, always. You deserve it. Be appreciative of each thing, experience, person that got you here. Take charge of what you are in charge of and let the rest go. Know that you are the boss of you and make it so you want to go to work everyday.
ps. Can you guess why I picked the photo for this blog?