Howdy! When people stop looking back they can move forward. I have been guilty of looking back at past relationships, lamenting over what did or did not go well. I have wondered if my life would have been different if I had made different choices. I have been that guy who tried to rekindle a past relationship in case I had made a mistake. I have spent time living in days long gone. I know what it is like to not want the moment I am in to be when in reality this is all that is. Because I have been here, it would seem like I would be super understanding when others dive into shoulda, woulda, coulda as well. I am not. I mean, I understand, but I know the damage that it causes all too well. Tell me, would you let someone play with fire if you have been burned? Would you not warn someone about the water being deep and the rapids fast so you could seem understanding? I want to shine a light on the time wasted when spent on looking back, living backwards and being less than present.
I have heard so many people say so many things about wondering how things would have turned out. I have actually been told that things would have been easier if I hadn't been born (by a loving family member). That may have been the case, if it had been the case… but the reality is I was born and I am here. The past doesn't change. You can either get over it or you can live in it forever and ever and ever. There is a way to integrate what has happened with where you are now. There is no dishonor in not being depressed by your history, being happy in the moment and dealing with those things you have the power to change while letting everything else go. This acceptance is truly freedom. This freedom is a gift. I would like to give that gift to you if you are open to receiving it.
One of the issues is that receiving the gift of accepting where you are right now and that you cannot change what has happened is you have no one to blame, no thing to blame, no past or situation to blame for your world right now. All you have is power and responsibility. This may seem exciting on the surface, but with power and great responsibility comes a shitload of work. You have to take care of the now. You have to own what you do, why you do it and know that the only constant in your world is you. You are the only one who has put you where you are now. It is a harsh reality. I think that most of us would rather be depressed about the past than own our present and create our future.
Take a good hard look at your life. Where are you placing the responsibility of your life? Who have you allowed to be in charge. Where do you see yourself, victim or ruler? You do have a choice whether you choose to believe it or not.