being present

Can You Hear Me?

Hi, How often do you need to ask someone to repeat something?  How often do you have to repeat yourself to others?  Where did your mind go right now?  You were thinking, correct.  Which means you weren't listening.  Luckily I am not talking and you are simply reading.  If I were in front of you I would see that you were elsewhere and I would wait.  Obviously you would need a moment if I asked you a question.  However, we do the same thing, go off into the recesses of our minds, when no question is asked at all.  We drift off, thinking about ourselves, our experiences.  While someone is talking to us we make judgements, we get offended, we get excited, we apply everything they are saying to how we feel or think about it as if the world revolved around us.

Well, our world does revolve around us.  My world revolves around me and your world revolves around you.  For me to hear you I have to come out of my orbit for a bit and listen, hear, repeat and remove myself from what you are saying.  If someone is telling you about their sick rabbit you don't want to be thinking about your sick cat at home.  Though comparing is nice in certain situations (like the Match game) it isn't actually listening in the aforementioned scenario.  Hearing someone means removing yourself and being another ear, an open heart, a sounding board that echoes back what they are meaning.  Asking someone how old the rabbit is, what the rabbit is named, how it got sick, how they are feeling, when did they begin keeping rabbits… etc… that is going to bring the person speaking immeasurable comfort.  When you are interested in someone, i.e. listening to them, they open up more or at least feel a stronger sense of connection (as long as the questions aren't creepy or invasive (overly private)).

The next time someone talks to you, see how long you can keep yourself out of the conversation (as long as they don't ask you questions about you, that is).  See how long you can keep the focus on the person you are speaking to.  See what comes when you remove your ego and truly open yourself to being there, listening, hearing someone without the need to be the focus or focused on in any way.  We all like attention, we all need it.  Start by giving it to others and see what comes.

xo

a

Life Is What You Make It

Howdy! When people stop looking back they can move forward.  I have been guilty of looking back at past relationships, lamenting over what did or did not go well.  I have wondered if my life would have been different if I had made different choices.  I have been that guy who tried to rekindle a past relationship in case I had made a mistake.  I have spent time living in days long gone.  I know what it is like to not want the moment I am in to be when in reality this is all that is.  Because I have been here, it would seem like I would be super understanding when others dive into shoulda, woulda, coulda as well.  I am not.  I mean, I understand, but I know the damage that it causes all too well.  Tell me, would you let someone play with fire if you have been burned?  Would you not warn someone about the water being deep and the rapids fast so you could seem understanding?  I want to shine a light on the time wasted when spent on looking back, living backwards and being less than present.

I have heard so many people say so many things about wondering how things would have turned out.  I have actually been told that things would have been easier if I hadn't been born (by a loving family member).  That may have been the case, if it had been the case… but the reality is I was born and I am here.  The past doesn't change.  You can either get over it or you can live in it forever and ever and ever.  There is a way to integrate what has happened with where you are now.  There is no dishonor in not being depressed by your history, being happy in the moment and dealing with those things you have the power to change while letting everything else go.  This acceptance is truly freedom.  This freedom is a gift.  I would like to give that gift to you if you are open to receiving it.

One of the issues is that receiving the gift of accepting where you are right now and that you cannot change what has happened is you have no one to blame, no thing to blame, no past or situation to blame for your world right now.  All you have is power and responsibility.  This may seem exciting on the surface, but with power and great responsibility comes a shitload of work.  You have to take care of the now.  You have to own what you do, why you do it and know that the only constant in your world is you.  You are the only one who has put you where you are now.  It is a harsh reality.  I think that most of us would rather be depressed about the past than own our present and create our future.

Take a good hard look at your life.  Where are you placing the responsibility of your life?  Who have you allowed to be in charge.  Where do you see yourself, victim or ruler?  You do have a choice whether you choose to believe it or not.

xo

a