The X-Files

Hello!! I was discussing relationships with a friend when I realized that many people believe that when they are left by someone they love they have been wronged.  Most of us have been heartbroken before.  Some of us may be going through it right now.  Either way, heartbreak is universal.  So often after being crushed by an unrequited love, we try to find fault with the person that left us.  They were this way or that way; they weren't open because they are damaged and cannot open up; they suck.  Often I hear people say that at some point the person that left them will realize what a mistake they made and want to come back.  Why in the hell would you want someone back who didn't want you, so much so that they high-tailed it out of your life?  Not the lover I would be looking to the universe for.

Being left hurts.  Relationships ending hurt.  Change hurts.  I gotta tell you that the person that left you isn't the bad guy.  They didn't do anything to you that you didn't give them permission to do.  They don't want you and that is ok.  They will find someone else who they work better with and they will be fine.  You, your healing is understanding that good relationships don't end.  True love doesn't die and the person that left you left you better off.  You are now free to find that person who isn't leaving, loves you the way you want to be loved and makes sense on many levels.

When we are reeling from pain from loss we tend to want to pin the reason for the pain on other people.  No one makes you feel anything.  You decide to put one emotion or another on whatever the situation is.  No one decides for you to feel one way or another so no one is hurting you, when it comes down to it.  I know that this is a difficult concept because we are a culture that sues over coffee being hot.  The truth is the sooner you realize that you choose your feelings based on your beliefs the sooner you can believe something that doesn't make you feel or act like a victim.

So, no, your ex isn't going to be miserable without you.  Your ex is your ex because they didn't want to be your present.  Your ex is not the same with you that they will be with their one.  Your pain, is real and self-inflicted.  When you take ownership over the ideas you have around being left you can spend less time in the blaming phase and more time in the information/growth gathering phase.