Aina

My Birthday My Way

Howdy, My birthday is coming up and I am going to do whatever it is that I want to.  This is normal for me and what I suggest for everyone else.  I will start at the beginning so that it all makes sense…  I was born on May 30th, 1974 at 5:30 am.  I was almost injured during delivery.  I was born on my back looking out… as she pushed my neck was bent more and more until the doctor's realized something was wrong.  Forceps were used to straighten my head out and one bruise on the left side of my head from that incident remains to this day.  The right bruise disappeared around the age of 14.  I was named Aina for this reason, among others.  In Yoruba my name means delivery had complications.  Complications indeed, my neck was almost broken and my parents had ended their relationship in dramatic fashion before I was born.

Each year, after my birth my mother would wake me at the time I was born, 5:30am on 5/30 and wish me a happy birthday.  She sometimes would go over the birth or how she named me.  It was a little ritual that I loved.  She would also ask me what kind of cake I wanted, once I was old enough to tell her.  So each year I would have a marble cake for my birthday.  

Fast forward into my mid-twenties.  I was having a rough time, engaged to be married (yes, the rough time when you are engaged is information, no?), starting a new career and just simply unhappy in some ways.  On that birthday that year I received no phone call.  Now, she hadn't been consistent in calling and there had been time where we weren't speaking actually… I moved out at 16 initially so it wasn't a rosy situation at all.  There was a need, that year, on my part to feel focused on, cared about.  I remember deciding, after being so disappointed, that I would never be sad on my birthday again.

Skip to present day.  I have about two and a half weeks before I am 39.  I plan on doing, as I have for over 10 years, whatever it is that I want to do.  I generally don't include anyone in on my day.  I have no desire to be with others, usually, because they might want something, or ask me questions I don't want to answer.  Catering to even the smallest need that isn't my own on my birthday is a no go.  Sometimes I travel (got that from my father who I have never seen on his birthday, he is ALWAYS in another country) and sometimes I sit my ass in front of the TV after a long run, and eat and chill and take a day of respite.  My doing what I want usually  confuses others.  They want to know stuff… which is why I tend to be on my own on that day.  Most of us don't know what it is like to literally care just for yourselves, not taking anyone else into consideration.  I will give you a scoop, it is a BLAST!  You become the center of your universe and disappointment is nowhere to be found.  You know that you are the one who is responsible for your happiness so you see to it… or at least I do.  

It is my day to make things uncomplicated, simple, unlike my delivery.  

What do you do for your birthday?  How would focusing solely on yourself change how you felt about birthdays over all???

Happy Birthday to you whenever it is…

xo

a

Miles To Go...

Hiya, On this day seven years ago I had been living in Seattle for 9 days.  My girlfriend and I had just moved from New York and were awaiting my sister and nephew's arrival.  They lived in Arizona and were relocating to Seattle so that we could build our empire.  We weren't totally sure what the empire would be but we were going to do it together.  On this day seven years ago my nephew passed away.  He drowned.  It was and it one of the most significant moments in my life.  Sarah and I were running with the Seattle Running Company Run Group and upon our return I had a voicemail message.  It is so funny how different phones are now. Seven years seems like an eternity for electronics and their development.  But I digress… I had three voicemails actually and knew that something was amiss.  I just had this feeling.  I assumed that the tragedy that was seemingly imminent involved an older family member… not my 8-year-old baby.  

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In the seven years since my family has been up and down in their grief… I have made decisions that were clouded by the urge to live after a death that was so intense and paralyzed by the fear of having to repeat any part of that experience.  In the past seven years I have grown beyond any plan I could have had for myself.  I feel lucky to have been in Seattle during this time.  It is a spiritually open place and for that I am grateful.  I appreciate this day each year, it always has more to show and share.

Last year, on the sixth anniversary of his death I asked my friend and client Psychic Medium David Zarza to give my sister a reading in the hopes that we would connect with Miles.  At that time the past six years had been like a slow-growing cancer for us.  Our relationship had been strained.  I felt and still do, that watching my sister die over her loss was far worse than my nephew's drowning.  I have a view of life and death that is neither sad nor tragic… I do feel stronger about not embracing the moment than what is to be expected if you are among the living: death.  So seeing my sister deteriorate, blame, be helpless, in my eyes, was beyond painful.  I still struggle with a way to describe how difficult it was for me.  I will keep trying… the words are in me, the feelings are still present.   

During the reading Miles came through.  He discussed his death, what he saw and felt and that there was no mistake in any of it.  All was as it was meant to be.  He had a little message for me but ultimately the message was of profound love and gratitude for his mother.  She had never left him, even after his passing.  It was and still is amazing to me, what she did.  My sister gave up half of herself to keep him safe even when his body was no longer necessary, even when he was on another plane.  Just because your child dies doesn't mean you are no longer a mother.  The reading opened up a new chapter in our lives and this past year has seen growth and movement towards love in a better way.  Healing is happening.

So, on this day, a year later, I want to send love to Miles, my sister and everyone who has ever lost anyone, will lose anyone or feels lost themselves.  You are where you are supposed to be… this thing, life, is one heck of a ride.  You are here so you are ready.  Take nothing for granted and nothing too serious.  This is all temporary… all of it.  Nothing stays and nothing needs to.  Enjoy the beauty of the impermanence of all… that fleetingness is what makes things so invaluable.   

xo

a

ps If you would like to read about the reading my sister and I had with David Zarza his book When Spirits Call is about to be released soon.  You can read the details of the reading (as well as other readings he has done) and how, a few months later, we were affected by it.