questions

Know Yourself

Howdy, Who actually spends time figuring out why they do what they do when they do what they do?  Why is it important to know?  Well, let's see… we are, most of us, walking around with the desire to be loved (it is more like the end all be all for everyone) and understood.  The thing about those desires is that we don't often love ourselves (which I have written about) and we most certainly don't always understand our motivations, reactions, feelings and inhibitions.  We actually spend very little time asking ourselves, "Why did I feel that?  Where are my feelings coming from?  Why did I say that?  What do I want?  Why do I want that?  Why do I need that?  Do I need that?  Do I want that?  Do I feel that? Do I care?  Do I want to need that?  Do I want to feel that?  Do I want to do that?"  It can go on and on and I feel that it is important to go on and on in the discovery of you.

If you were to ask yourself these questions regarding your every behavior a few things would come to light.  One, you don't know yourself that well and you probably should spend some time with you figuring you out.  If you don't know you, who the hell else will?  If you don't ask yourself these questions, who is running the show?  Are you purposeful in your interactions or are you willy nilly and wondering why things don't work out for you the way you would want them to?  So often we believe that because we are experiencing it we should operate from that experience being reason enough to react towards others in one way or another.  Rarely do we stop and ask if we want to go where we are going emotionally.  Too often we are reacting to something other than what is actually happening.  We spend so little time on finding out what is up with ourselves that we don't notice the blame game that we play on a regular basis.  We don't realize we put our work on others and then blame them when they don't know what we don't either.

Take a look at any situation you are currently experiencing.  Where is it stemming from?  It could be awesome it could be horrendous, just look at it and find out where the root is.  We associate.  It is what we do.  Something happens and it reminds us of something else.  If that something is pleasant all is well… if it isn't, all is hell.  I have, in a number of relationships, been told that thinking about everything that is said is exhausting.  So is running, biking, doing yoga, harvesting food, blah blah blah… it doesn't mean that you don't need to do it.  Your work is you.  Find out why, how, what about yourself.  Learn about you if you ever want someone else to.  If you don't think about what you say, why you say it and for what reason it is being said, what are you doing?  Just because you don't know the answers to the questions doesn't mean there aren't reasons for your feelings and behavior.

Knowledge is power.  Knowing yourself is a blessing, a gift, the culmination of persistent attention.  You deserve to pay attention to yourself.  You deserve to be the center of your universe.  You deserve to reign yourself in so others don't have to bear the weight of your not knowing.  No one deserves to have to figure you out.

You do you.  Thoroughly please.

xo

a

Got To Be Real

Howdy party people! I had a groovy Friday and completely failed to write, which is fine, but interesting because I kept thinking, "I am forgetting something important."  Ha!  So, you get TWO today!  :)  That is the way it goes sometimes.  Ya know.

I am basically a nightmare for anyone who doesn't want to be present, shown themselves, called out, held accountable, loved in a non-attached way and independent.  I absolutely reject co-dependence in favor of a healthy interdependence and friendship in all of my relationships.  You can't 'sleep' when you are my partner and for most that has proven difficult.  The same holds true, on a less intense level, for being my friend.  You are challenged to take care of yourself, show up and overall be honest, as honest as you can be.  I enjoy growth and challenge those around me to keep on sprouting.

Honesty is something I work hard at moment to moment, knowing what I feel, owning what I want, making my life what I desire it to be.  Most of us, however, lie to ourselves on just about every level.  Honesty about our feelings, desires, fears, dislikes, beliefs and abilities.  So many of us are doing what we think our ideal self would do at the cost of denying our present self.  It is awesome to see where you want to go, but you cannot get there if you don't admit to where you are in this very moment.  Now, we aren't all doing this dishonesty dance on purpose.  Many of us are clueless to the lies we tell ourselves and others.  Many times we lie to get what we think we want.

Take, for example, when you meet someone you like.  How do you lie to them?  How do you show only the parts that you believe would be appealing?  I know that it isn't conscious, always, and it most certainly is not malicious… but that doesn't mean that it is honest.  We tend to be shiny and bright to attract, which is normal, and only show the sides that need polishing when we are pretty sure of an attachment on both sides.  Our insecurity about being lovable comes out when we meet someone new.  When we put ourselves on a pedestal by showing only the glittery bits, we don't allow others to actually enjoy the parts that make you you.  The parts that are totally true too.  It ends up being difficult later on when you have to actually be all of who you are.  The truth is you are lovable, I am lovable, all the parts private and public are absolutely worth loving.

Do you feel lovable?  Do you feel that you are worth someone fitting you into their world and possibly teaming up to create one with you?  Have you asked yourself these questions?

When you look at your motivations for doing what you do, your excuses for not doing what you know how to do, and the questions about yourself and your life that have remained unanswered, you begin to get an honest view of yourself.  Facing the parts of you that you hide from others is a great place to start letting go of the dishonesty.  Looking at what you would never want anyone to see is a jumping off point for amazing growth and a deeper love for yourself.  When you embrace all of your bits everyone else can too.  That sounds like a plan to me, what about you?

xo

a