"Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is inaccurate. You make yourself unhappy." ~Wayne Dyer Howdy!
Personal responsibility. This is one of the areas I tend to push others toward. It is an area that isn't easy to stomach. We spend our lives blaming others for basically everything. Our mother, our father, our boss, our boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse. We put the onus on everyone else before taking credit. We do the ultimate blaming by putting things in the hands of whatever God or Goddess we believe in and basically counting ourselves out of what happens (good or bad).
What happens when you start to see things as your responsibility, your 'fault'? When you see that you are the reason, the cause, the creator of your situation, good or bad. Let's see… is there resistance? Do you feel annoyed by that idea? Are you aware of the areas you make other people 'take care' of you? Maybe you use language like: "you made me" or I wouldn't have if you had not blah blah blah.
We are built in so many forms with so much diversity of history. I grew up in a household where we spoke our minds. We were allowed to feel and express things. I know many folks who grew up not being able to express their emotions. If there was someone who was loud and sharing their feelings in a forceful way those who weren't used to that type of expression may react with fear, concern, worry, upset and someone who was used to that type of communication might react with understanding and a feeling of familiarity. The person expressing themselves wouldn't be doing something different though those on the receiving end would be feeling different things about the exhibited behavior. Is it possible that each person filters the same experience based on their own history. Would that mean that nothing originates in the moment? Most of our reactions to things have to do with what we know, believe, feel, have judgements around or preferences. Is anyone to blame for how we take something if we decide to take it one way or another based on what we held on to from the past? Who is responsible for how we are really?
Personal responsibility isn't just about feeling crappy when someone says something you don't like or feeling validated by something someone says. It is about realizing that you are actually in charge of feeling how you would like to feel or dealing with what comes up when you are triggered. One of my gifts is that I am a trigger. I am a bringer of awareness and with that comes some gratitude and resentment. Most of us have no desire to acknowledge that our ex actually didn't do anything wrong, even if they cheated, even if they broke up with us through text, even if they started dating someone right after the relationship was over. We choose to take that behavior one way or another… and we most certainly choose to take it personally and make it about us. That person didn't make you feel any one way or another. What they did do was share an experience with you that allowed you to find out where there was work to be done. When you feel triggered, angry, upset, hurt, blaming you are being given information. You are getting a light shined on the areas where you stumble over loving unconditionally. You are being shown the areas where you really are selfish. When you believe things are about you, you are mistaken. When you are left to take care of you, deal with you, own you, it can be pretty frustrating. You may begin to look at how much you put on others and how much you let others put on you. You might start to see the hilarity of guilt and the pain of many relationships that keep us from seeing ourselves honestly. When you begin to own the fact that you are the reason, no one else, things change. When you understand your power over your life, your world there is a freedom, a joy, that cannot be put into words.
Find your freedom, love your life, own your sh*t.
"Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." ~Jim Rohn