A New Courtship

Hi there, Took a couple of days off and now you get a triple dealio!  Yep, 3 today… spread out of course!

Owning what you want it a big friggin deal.  We don't always feel like we are allowed to say what it is that we actually desire.  We fall into this invisible, but palpable, line of desiring only what is practical, acceptable or allowed to us by religion, our parents, society.  We may never admit that what we want is to paint toenails for a living, if we come from a household that has doctors and lawyers.  We may never admit that what we want is to marry someone of the same-sex, if we come from a deeply religious background.  We may never admit that we want to be a homemaker if we live in a society where people believe that women's liberation means not doing certain things instead of doing what you want.  We accept a lot of rules based very little on what it is we actually would like in our lives.

Often, when we aren't able to figure out what it is that we want, we force it.  We make lists.  We go to places that tell us where we are strong and what we could be good at.  It is odd to me, for someone else to tell me what I want.  I think we have truly come a pretty far distance away from ourselves.  I think that it is time to rekindle the relationship that exists between us and our selves.  What do you do when you want to get to know someone who isn't you?  You usually go on dates, talk on the phone, maybe you write emails.  You certainly ask a lot of questions.  You ask questions about their life, childhood.  You may ask them what they wanted to do when they were younger.  You may even ask some harder questions, questions about hurt and trauma.  You are trying to get to know them, find out what makes them tick and whether or not this is who you want to be with.  You dig deeper with someone else than you dig into yourself.

What if you started courting yourself?  Finding out what you like, going over who you wanted to become when you were a child and what makes you tick.  Sit for hours discussing the world with yourself, being vulnerable and excited for the information that you are being given.  Ask the questions and wait for the answers.  They begin to flood in when you open up.  By the time you have been dating yourself for a while you might realize how much you really do want to be with you for a long, long time and that you have some adjustments to make in your life in order to have the real you exist in it.  Do what is needed to support your relationship with you… that is love.