Forward Movement

  Hello there,

Is there something that needs your attention, something that you need to end, start, modify?  Are you freaking the f*ck out about it?  What is happening for you when you realize you need a situation to change and you are the only one that can do it?  Being the reason for change scares many people because of the hurt that can be involved.  Most people don't want to hurt anyone else.  When you want something to be different, whether it is with a lover or a job or a friendship, or you want it to end, you may feel like you are in some way mean, cruel, or the one who is doing the hurting.  Sometimes the fear of hurting another is enough to keep someone in a relationship that they don't want to be in.  Not wanting to be alone, the fear of losing a way of living (financially), and/or being thought of in a less than desirable way are other reasons people stay.

Let's break it down for a bit.  Say you have a job and your boss is really unhappy with your performance.  You aren't doing things wrong enough to get fired, they just don't feel that the situation is a good fit and they aren't sure how to let you go.  Well, if you got another job they would be relieved, not hurt or feeling left high and dry.  On the other hand, you are in a work situation where you are the lead on everything and many projects depend on your expertise.  Your passion and drive motivate the entire place and you are indispensable to the executive team.  If you left this environment there would be hurt on the part of the owners, managers and so forth.  To them you were essential.  If your leaving has a different impact on different people is your leaving the cause of the pain or the other person's or peoples' feelings about you the cause?  

We cannot make someone feel something.  If hurt comes to them from being left you are not the cause of that hurt.  The cause would be their filter.  How they see, feel and expect.  The hurt comes from past ideas about things.  Present desires about things and future plans.  Their hurt is uniquely their own, just as yours is your own.  We do each other a disservice taking responsibility for the feelings of another.  Our feelings are our creative tool, no one has the power or the right to take your magic wand away.  Your feelings create your reality.  If you are feeling down, your world is not as bright, your interactions might feed your mood in a way… nothing that was shiny and happy is shiny and happy.  But if you were to win the lotto that same day, I guarantee your viewpoint would change.  A bird could shit on you and you would probably think it was a sign of good lu feelings ck!  (Isn't that what they say?).  Either way, your create the world around you, your feelings are your filter.  

We all have filters, or perspectives on how we see things.  We all see things from our very own vantage point.  Managing another's view is like trying to make someone's heart beat have a different pulse.  It is impossible.  

So, you have this thing you need to address and someone may be hurt by what you are deciding.  Your responsibility isn't to stay in a situation that isn't working for you just because you made a promise whether it was spoken aloud or simply understood between you and whomever.  Your responsibility is to your soul's growth, to being authentic and to opening up to love and joy.  If you aren't happy where you are, chances are everyone around you is feeling your unhappiness.  Staying when you are unhappy keeps you from finding where you would be happier and whomever or whatever from finding the one who fits in a better way, where the feelings are mutual.  

Ultimately, it is your choice to move forward or to stay where you are.  Caring about what someone else thinks about what you need to do for yourself is just an excuse for being afraid to take ownership of your life.  When you begin to go after what you want instead of what you think you can have, you find true freedom and true responsibility.  You find yourself.

xo

a