Great Day All!!! Not everyone understands boundaries at the same time everyone understands boundaries. There are a lot of different kind of boundaries, energetic, physical, political, emotional… and our boundaries grow and change and sometimes disappear. Boundaries are supposed to be put in place to keep us safe. When we no longer have use for them it is important to let them go, individual boundaries that have no purpose can create walls and isolation. I am someone who has learned how to have clear boundaries after years of feeling violated in one way or another. I have found that even though I state what I need for myself there are those who have no desire to respect or adhere to my boundaries. I have also encountered many people who have more than a difficult time setting boundaries and walk the earth feeling victimized and put-upon by friends, family and anyone else they encounter. Usually the ones without boundaries feel like they know about you, will tell you things you didn't ask them to and expect to have access to you and your life in ways you don't feel comfortable. There is a feeling of entitlement to others that goes beyond day-to-day, person to person interaction for the boundary violators.
I have been followed, chased, touched, harassed, raped, obsessed over, told that I have no right to push someone out of my life (by that someone I was pushing out), verbally assaulted for setting boundaries and more in my 38 years on this planet as Aina. I have learned that boundaries are helpful for me to move about my world with a sense of control. Obviously, we can violate one another whenever we choose, if we choose. Boundaries, however, can serve as a deterrent for those who would choose to cross the line. Boundaries are not a sure thing but they certainly have a high success rate of keeping one safe. The first thing we must understand is that we are born with the right to set boundaries where we see fit in regards to ourselves and as fellow humans we are somewhat obligated to respect the boundaries that others set.
In order to respect others right to boundaries we must remind ourselves that all of us that walk this earth are equals. We all have the same rights. I was just setting a boundary with someone recently when they replied with a stipulation in regards to respecting my boundary. They wanted me to understand why they did something (that triggered me needing to set a boundary) in order for my boundary to be accepted by them. Boundaries aren't up for discussion. They aren't there to be haggled with and they most certainly are not about the person that is being told what the boundary is for someone. Boundaries are specifically about the person setting them. There is never a need to ask for understanding when someone is asking for safety. Safety is personal. We each have individual needs in order to feel protected and safe. As humans on this planet together we can all relate, and we would all want that. It is important to not allow our own fear of not having something override our ability to relate and be empathetic.
When you are faced with either setting a boundary or being asked to respect it see what happens for you. Are you uncomfortable? Do you have fear around the idea of setting or respecting? Why? What goes on for you when you ask someone to follow a rule you have set for your life. There is much to be learned in the setting of boundaries and the ability to honor the boundaries of others.
Enjoy the exploration.