Evenin' Have you ever had a moment where you literally feel like your world is crumbling? You fall into a state of despair and you look for some way to feel different, to feel anything but what you currently feel. It is like you are falling into a deep dark hole and you aren't sure how to get out of it or if anything besides 'it' exists. Have you felt like you aren't worth the thoughts in your own head? Like you are not only being rejected by something outside yourself but you are rejecting yourself as well?
I have. I live by a motto: "Suck It Up!" I believe in it and use it daily. Because I practice this, among other things, I am able to come out of moments of dramatic emotion quickly. These moments of dramatic despair, though they can be intense, last only seconds for me, usually. They are few and far between, but they do exist. I enjoy them when they show up because they remind me that my work isn't finished… that I have become attached to the approval or acceptance of another. These moments remind me that I am not feeding myself in ways that keep me grounded and that my ego has been leading the journey in some ways that aren't appropriate for my ideal world. I appreciate my feelings of rejection and despair because they give me an opportunity to speak to my 15-year-old self (the age I usually regress to) and calm her down. I am able to help her to be ok with what is. I am able to talk to her about how things always happen for a reason, though that reason may not be known at the moment, it will reveal itself in time. I love the discomfort of these moments because I know that these are the moments where I am growing, stretching myself to become bigger, stronger, more of my ideal me. These moments teach me how to love all of me. These moments are gifts that I will continue to cherish.
After I fall into this state, for a moment or so, I come out of it and realize how dramatic I can be. I also remember that not everyone can find their way out so easily. The tools are available for all to use. Some people choose to ignore their existence and some simply don't know they exist. Sometimes we are so caught up in the drama that we believe it is all there is, that it is the TRUTH. If we choose to believe so, then it is so.
How are you keeping the drama alive or are you gaining perspective?