Nothing Stays The Same 1.20.13

Howdy,

Change is inevitable.  It is all you can truly count on.  To quote one of my favorite songs, "there are not many thing in life you can be sure of, except rain comes from the clouds, sun lights up the sky, and hummingbirds do fly."  However much we want things to be different we almost always buck when the change we were seeking seeks us out.  It is hard to go with the flow of change because often it isn't how we had hoped it'd be.

When I was married I was unhappy.  I was unhappy because I wanted things I wasn't getting.  For one, I wanted a partner.  Someone who would take their share of the responsibilities of the home.  Aub being a doctor meant long hours away.  So fair share was relative.  I did my job of nagging about this or that like a good wife does… when in actuality I was ignoring what needed to be dealt with.  I had felt a lack of commitment forever, since before we walked down the aisle.  I was insecure and unsteady and instead of confronting those issues I nagged.  I worried about household duties.  I wanted the relationship to change.  I wanted the relationship to be more solid and I wanted to feel safe.

The change I was seeking came, though not in the way I had dreamed.  Once I began to own my real feelings and confront the lack of commitment I was perceiving there was nothing left for Aub to do but leave.  We weren't in the relationship together.  I was alone.  I had felt that correctly.  Once it was over, after a long time I began to feel safe.  I wouldn't have if I hadn't dealt with what was actually happening for me.  I had gotten the change I had been seeking, but not in the way I had planned.  See we were supposed to end up happily ever after, right?  Well, I wanted to be safe and have a solid footing on the relationship and be happy…  Well, I was safe, the relationship was clearly defined as being over and I found my happiness (many times over) in the arms and minds of others.  Don't get me wrong, I waited for almost 6 months before I embraced being left.  I was holding on for dear life to something that I didn't even want… because change is just that scary.

When you ask for something to come into your life… something different, new, a change to happen, understand that it may not look like the fairytale you envisioned.  The universe has a funny way of unfolding that is nearly impossible to foresee.  Just know that when you are open to things being different the differences may just knock you off of your feet.  When you are looking for the motivation to move ahead, you may just get a swift kick in the ass.  Change is challenging.  Change is scary.  Change is what we all do daily whether we are aware or not.  Embracing it as best we can, with as much grace as we can muster, may just be the way to move through it with a little more ease.

"Everything must change, nothing stays the same, everyone must change, no one stays the same."

Where are you resisting growth?  What scares you about the challenge of change?  How can you embrace what is and let go of what could be (but isn't)?

xo

a