Go CRAZY!

Howdy! Having a Girls Night is always a good idea, if you are a girl, have friends that are girls and want to hang out… otherwise ignore that statement.  :)  Lots of fun conversations are had when the ladies all congregate.  When I have girls nights we generally talk about love and sex.  Last night was one of those nights.  Girls, Thai food and love/sex talk.

My girls and me discussed falling in love.  When you are with someone for a while it can totally happen time and time again, in various ways.  With a little creativity you can relive various parts of the beginning.  For those who are single and not 15 years of age, love is complicated because of the baggage we accumulate over time.

When was the last time you acted like a teenager in love?  When was the last time you let your guard down, felt without judgement, spoke without a filter, professed your undying devotion and basically went a little craycray?  Do you remember how that felt?  Your first love, your first crush, your first falling into the pool of emotion where you are drunk with chemicals being released.  What happened, when did you stop feeling that way, if you did?  Why?

I know that I stopped loving fearlessly when I had been dumped hard on my ass.  The first time I was absolutely crushed I was twenty years old.  I was in love and with the only person I thought I could be with forever.  It was the first time I really truly understood what it was to only have eyes for one person.  Up until then mine had been fond of wandering.  I was left, cheated on, broken-hearted, crushed beyond recognition.  I was honestly so hurt that I shut off a part of my heart.  It was closed.  That part was the part that trusted.  The part that believed that I could be so sure about being with someone and have it be true for them too…  Years later, I met my future spouse.  I remember believing that this was it and that I had healed from that initial devastation years previous.  I hadn't.  I was still nursing those wounds.  That feeling had become my new normal.  I had begun thinking my way through love instead of feeling it.  I was no longer innocent.  I was no longer loving with my whole heart.  I had begun to fear the pain that was possible with the loss of a relationship, before that relationship was lost.  Never a good way to live.

We adults like to control and monitor everything.  We don't like to be seen as reckless.  Falling in love is like going crazy.  You cannot see straight, you lose things, you are nervous, you are excited, you are raw, you are on the surface.  You risk all sorts of things just to have the opportunity to see your beloved.  Most of us have been hurt.  Most of us are nursing wounds.  Most of us don't know how to get back to being our open, loving selves.  We think that following rules around love is the way to be safe.  We think that making sure they look good on paper is going to ensure that the relationship has a chance.  We cut out our very important teammate when we look for love as a grown-up… our heart.  We forget to find out how we really feel.  The truth of the matter is falling in love isn't like eating oatmeal.  Falling in love is like being possessed… or at least it can be.  When you are open to letting go love will catch you.  It will.  It has taken me a long time to remember that.  It has taken me a lot of pain to get fed up with holding back.  It has taken me a long time to find myself again.

I am now open.  I am now ready to be that teenager again.  I am ready to feel deeply, laugh like a teenager, and love like there is no tomorrow.  What about you, what are you waiting for?

xo

a