Howdy! How much attention do you pay to your thoughts? How aware of them are you? What do you say most often to yourself? How do you treat yourself when you do something that you would prefer not to do?
When we are young we learn how to speak to ourselves by listening to others speak out loud. We hear adults judging others and themselves. We hear adults labeling things right and wrong. We may belong to a religious group that says anyone who is a non-believer is a sinner, or less than. We are given the blueprint on how to be against not only others, but ourselves. Some of us may be told directly that we are flawed in numerous ways, at a young age. We may be put down for being something our families have decided was wrong. There are direct and subtle ways our self-love is sabotaged.
We manifest our past abuse by becoming abusers ourselves. We may not treat our families the way we were treated but we probably say what we learned to the person that is most precious to us: ourselves. We speak unspeakable things to our own mind. We say things we would never say to another (most of us) and yet we wonder why we struggle here and there, why happiness is an effort. It is only effort because many of our thoughts don't support it. Most of us are so used to living in an abusive relationship with ourselves we don't realize that that is exactly what is happening.
When I am about to 'beat' myself up around something I may have said or did I sing. I have gotten to the point where my subconscious takes over when negative self-thoughts bubble up (which is rare). In the past I would say the word "STOP" to the voice that sounds like an enemy from inside. There are other ways to get someone to do things that are helpful for themselves. There are other ways than to be mean and abusive. The first step is becoming aware of how you think and what you think about. Once you become aware of the voice of your own enemy you have to look at it as a lost child. The child that heard all of the mean things and learned from the adults around him/her. How is that child going to learn if the abuse never ends? Stop the tape from going on and on and on, the one you recorded unintentionally that has become the soundtrack of your life. Record something new, something you want to hear and play it over and over and over and over.
Now, watch your life shift towards the direction of your most recurring thoughts. :)