Hiya, Today, I got pissed. During my father's 'Open House' (poets, writers, artists, dancers, philosophers and more come together every Sunday to share their gifts) a poet, about to share, spoke of her rheumatoid arthritis. Someone asked her if she had ever tried Reiki. She mentioned having tried everything, except Reiki… then I asked her how her diet was. She said it was ok. I asked her if she had tried cutting out dairy, as it is inflammatory. She told me that butter and parmesan were too good to give up, even if cutting out inflammatory foods would help, she would be too stressed to stop cooking with butter and that was why she wouldn't go that route. I told her that her excuses were hers and that when she was ready she had all the information that she needed to make a change. When she asked for help she would get it. After the exchange I realized she hadn't really asked for help, directly. She had only suggested input but was apparently not ready to receive help.
Because the way that I have most consistently needed help in my life is the area that I have had the most shame around (money) I have had a hard time asking for it. I have, in general, been someone who didn't ask for help. Even when I was young, I struggled in silence. I broke my finger at the age of 10 or 11 and never told anyone. It took over a year to heal and still, no one knew. I have gotten so sick with asthma (where I thought I was dying) and refused to tell anyone. For many years I have felt like I needed to do things for myself, if possible, so I did. My choices to go it alone were reinforced because things always 'worked out' in some way or another. Yes, I struggled (often) but I also succeeded and because of that I kept doing what I was doing.
I know of many people who are stuck and feel like they need to figure it all out for themselves. Often it is in an area that there are deep feelings of shame around or an addiction is present (or both). Do you know someone who you want to offer assistance to but you feel like it would be rejected or insulting for them? I am sure there are people in my world that have wanted to help me in some way but couldn't because I never gave them permission. Before you can help you have to be asked. Before you can receive it you have to ask for it.
I grew tired of struggling. I grew tired of being always on my own and knew that there had to be a different way. However, It wasn't until I understood that one had to give permission to others to offer help that help began to come. In all honesty, I am still unlearning my years of 'going it alone' and learning how to ask for help. My default is that of doing it all by myself, so I have to constantly remind myself that life is sometimes easier when I allow others to assist. I also know that it is a gift to receive someone's offering and for a long time I hadn't allowed others to honor me with their help.
I know that 'Butter & Parmesan' Poet will figure it out one day, and that is the day that she is ready to receive the help that is just waiting to be given to her. I know that I am still figuring it out as well.
What are you working on? Could you use some help in an area you have yet to ask for it in? Look back on your life... where could you have made it easier if you had been open to assistance?