A Contract For Change 1.22.13

Hello there,

Sometimes you have to put your foot down.  When your life seems to be spiraling.  Circling back to what it has done, to what you have done.  When you are exhausted by the same story being repeated and repeated and repeated again.  Sometimes you just have to get off of the merry-go-round.  Have you felt this way before?  Have you wanted to stop behaviors that aren't serving you?  Have you wanted to open yourself up to change?

Sometimes you have to make agreements with people, contracts they call them.  You make a contract or a pact to end certain things either now or in the future (or start them, depending).  The big issue behind actually fulfilling these pacts is that you have to mean what you are saying.  You have to feel it.  Feeling is the gateway to change.  If you are conflicted your change is going to be pretty difficult to carry out.  If you have feelings of truly wanting change, no matter how hard it will be (because it will be hard), then you are in a much better place to be successful.  When you decide to do things differently, as I have mentioned before, you are going to be uncomfortable.  You are going to have to say goodbye to some and hello to others.  You will experience pain.  You will experience loneliness.  You will experience disorientation.  You will certainly experience regret and the need to go back to status quo.  That pull towards status quo will be so strong that you will feel like you have to physically restrain yourself and your thoughts.

Some of the pacts/contracts I have made with myself are:

Being a superhero:  I am many, many things.  A superhero I am not.  I am human and experience life.  How I do it may not be the same as many but I want to maintain my humanity.  I am in this body, in this life to experience this being human thing… and I plan on doing that until this body is done.

Being on my own:  I have, since I was 15, taken care of myself.  My mother stopped parenting me then and I felt ready to go and start my life.  At that point I have felt like I was in this by myself.  I have, over the years through relationship with friends and lovers learned how to create a family, a team.  There are still some vestiges of that 15-year-old around but I refuse to go it alone when we just don't have to.

Not speaking my mind when my heart is on the line:  I have always been someone who would confront an issue… unless I was afraid that I would be hurt (specifically in romantic relationships).  It has been a long time since this has been the case but that doesn't mean it won't creep up if I am not diligent.  It is manipulative to communicate indirectly when you are hurting or want something from someone else.  When you put the energy out there without directly communicating what is happening for you, you do everyone a disservice.  So way back when I vowed to, even if I am going to be hurt by what transpires, to risk, to give myself and the other person the benefit of the doubt.  To not imagine the outcome that hasn't happened yet.  But to speak from love and authenticity.

When I have meant what I said with all of the feeling behind it, changes happened immediately.  It began to be easier to speak, people responded kindly, I found those who could see me as a person first and also see divinity in me.  One doesn't cancel out the other.  It was magical.  When you decide, truly decide, that your way isn't your way anymore things happen.  Change becomes the only option.  You may be pushed in ways you never dreamed of, you may not even be that happy about it.  But you will be moved.  You will be pushed.  A change will come.

Time to shed that skin that you allowed to hold you in.  What pacts will you make with yourself?