If You Have To Say It...

Aloha! I am on vacation writing from Maui!!  I am in search of reliable wi-fi that isn't in a McDonald's (where I am currently, can you believe it?).  I am vacationing solo, which I truly enjoy.  I get to do what I want when I want without negotiation!  That means writing, writing and more writing... oh, and some exploring.  I am not really a beach person and I don't do touristy things.  I like meditating and reading and breathing when I get some time away...  so this trip is heaven to me!  Thank you for coming along with me, I hope you enjoy!!

I was thinking about confidence recently because I have heard people talk about themselves using that word.  It is funny to me because we are all confident in some ways and not in others.  We embody all of it.  I understood, though, that there was more going on when someone feels the need to put themselves under that one header however.  I feel that confidence isn't announced. It's not put on a name tag and handed out. Being confident is like being sexy, when you have to announce it you are probably not the embodiment of it.  Most of the qualities that you may hear from people as they describe themselves are actually desires instead of realities.  They are hoping that by saying so they've made it so. That's not necessarily how it works in actuality. You may begin to behave with more confidence once you begin framing your thoughts with the idea that you are a confident person but it doesn't mean you are confident once you say it aloud.

I remember rowing in college. I was big and strong. I ate whatever I wanted (that was vegetarian). At some point in my junior and senior years I wanted to be leaner. We did strength training for crew as a regular practice but I wanted more. My friend's and I spent plenty of time looking in the mirror flexing during our weight lifting sessions. I ate better and ran more.  We were super focused on our bodies and the definition that we were getting as our muscles grew stronger.  Flash forward two to three years. I begin training to make the US National team which required me to work out 3 hours in the morning (5-8am) and a couple of hours in the evening, when my schedule allowed.  I remember that I was no longer flexing though I would be asked to by strangers. I was no longer interested in showing my strength off.  I barely looked in the mirror outside of watching my rowing form during indoor training.  I was stronger than I'd ever been at that time yet getting buff wasn't the focus anymore. It just was what it was.  I have heard others describe me at that time and that was great… what mattered to me was that I was in my body and in the moment and happy.  I wasn't concerned with how I looked or if others perceived me in one way or another.

Becoming confident is similar I believe.  You don't actually notice it when it happens.  You certainly don't feel driven to announce it.  You don't prove you have it by saying so or by talking about how wonderful you are. When you're strong you're strong. No announcement is needed because its obvious to everyone. When you're sexy you're sexy. It's better and more the case if you never say it about yourself.  Telling others you're sexy is decidedly unsexy.  And if you have to announce that you are funny you have fallen flat.

The next time you or someone you know needs to exclaim that they have this or that quality send them love and understand where they actually are: on their way, just not there yet.

xo

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