Fear

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Hey there, So much of our world is made up, a response to programming, not purposeful or deliberate. At the same time there are very real manipulations and calculations that are happening all of the time. To me there is a lot of confusion, frustration and circuitous bullshit. Humans make life so much more complicated than it needs to be and, in many ways, refuse to take a route that is simple and loving because it isn't what they have been doing regularly. It boggles the mind, or at least mine, sometimes; why in the world would we go toward something we know to not work because it is already in place instead of doing something different, trying something new? We care more about being safe than about being magical and wondrous and smart; really? We literally refuse to challenge ways of doing things because the new ones haven't been done. This is why it takes so much energy to advance; it is truly like pushing a snowball up a snow covered mountain. As the snowball increases in size (change) the snowball gets larger and larger (resistance to that change).

We have a 5 day 40hr/wk workweek, which is actually more like 50-60 hours sometimes including a commute. We generally live beyond our means, borrowing things on credit only to then get farther and farther into debt; which is owing imaginary money, since you haven't made it yet. We believe that finding a relationship, getting married (and going farther into debt), buying a house (even farther into debt) and having kids is how we are meant to do things. One or both parents are doing the 40-60 hour/week thing and the kids are wherever the hell you put kids during the day, paying whatever the costs. Sounds like a roadmap to hell, if you ask me. At no point are we actually asking ourselves if these things, choices, the best for our spirit, joy, health and happiness. We are so conditioned to do what was done before that most of us don't even really ask ourselves if what we want is what is expected. What if we didn't want what others have already done? What if the way it has evolved needs evolving? Isn't that how development happens… things change? The amazing part of all of this, for me, is that most people are afraid of what they really want.

We get into relationships blindly repeating previous (failed) relationships. There is a reason they didn't last, why in the hell are you going about finding a new one in the same way you found the last one? We set up our lives in the same way others have egotistically believing that, though we have huge incidents of depression and disease in our culture, we will do it right and it will turn out differently. You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result? Insanity I say. We have so many examples of how things don't work yet we change our minds to believe that how we age is normal and having mid-life crisis are a matter of time; some of us even believe that getting a disease just "runs in the family" and that there is "nothing we can do about it." If we can believe in things that haven't happened yet in that way, why not believe in the stuff we want to happen? We fail to take a step back and ask how we can do it differently or avoid that altogether. We believe that misery is just a part of the equation and we hope we dodge the bullet though we are standing in front of the target, like everyone else.

Wake up. Please. Wake up and see the infinite choices that have yet to be tapped. Wake up to the idea that there are at least as many ways of doing things as there are people on the planet. There are no limits that are set for us, only those we set for ourselves. Your life is a blank canvas and everyday you choose to paint someone else's art on your life. The only thing that will fit you perfectly is what you create for yourself. Let go of the need (conditioning) to fit in, be like everyone else and follow in the footsteps… we aren't zebras trying to dodge lions. We don't need to blend in to survive. That is the beauty of this human experience, we can choose what that experience is. What a gift, don't waste it.

zebras
zebras

xo a

It Was Never Forever

Hi there! I was in a car accident a couple of days ago, and, from what I can tell my car was totaled. My first response was to acknowledge that it was totaled and then let it go. There was no sadness, no grieving. There was curiosity around the accident because there were magical events that led up to, created and sustained it until my car was towed away. If I hadn't been in the car with someone else I may not have believed how everything happened. The most important part for me, and possibly for you, is that I didn't have to grieve. It was a loss that had already occurred. It occurred on one iteration of this world or another, many times over. It was never something that was forever and it played out for many reasons, the first of which was as a letting go drill. There are other reasons that I needed to experience this accident and they are revealed in the order that works for my brain and heart and being to understand.

lettinggoooooo
lettinggoooooo

Letting go is something that most of us have had a hard time doing at one point or another in our lives. I know that I have been in several relationship where letting go of them was like cutting off an arm, or at least it seemed like I put as much effort into debating ending it as I would cutting off my arm. We become attached energetically to people, places and things and it is just as real as being attached physically to those things. Energy is real, it is what all things are and when we are bound by it it can sometimes take great effort to come undone. But letting go is one of the most important things we will learn on this plane of existence besides loving with and without expectation.

I have, for most of my life, been in training for mastery of letting go. It is one aspect of what I am here in this body, during this time, called to do. I have let go on purpose, I have had things ripped from me and I have learned to simply not get attached. It is a peaceful movement through the world honestly. Knowing that all things will go means you don't have to concern yourself with the outcome and you are left to enjoy the moments you are in, when you are in them. It is possible to go the direction of worry if it is what you are used to and what is most comfortable, but you can choose to take the information of knowing that all things transform into other things (or end, as we like to say) and use that to detach from the desire to hold onto something that is fleeting. Even an orgasm would be unwanted if it was never ending.

One of the things that makes life so valuable is that it has an expiration date. The big issue is that we foolishly cling onto a sinking ship and hope it will float because we want it to so badly. Very little is done with making each moment that we are gifted something valuable honor the value of the thing. We abuse our bodies, our spaces, our people. We put negative and dirty energy into the world and expect it to sustain us. We ignore our spiritual gifts and wonder why so many are spiritually devoid. Let go of forever and start enjoying, appreciating and honoring today. The next time you are in an accident or have something pulled away from you it may not have the impact it once did. You may start to see the grand design, the master plan and laugh at the way it all works. It is possible and attainable now.

xo a

Love Brings Joy

Hello lovely, I am happy 99.8% of the time. I am asked how is that possible and what do I do. Well the short answer is that I do what I want. But truly it is because I take responsibility for me, how I feel, that my feelings are mine and not someone else's. I don't blame another for where I am, who I am or how I am. I realize that I have the power to view things in a way that will foster love and growth or fear and destruction. I am happy because I put so much love into me that nothing else has room to grow. I have no space for someone else to set up shop and start dismantling what I have built. Believe me, people will try; they will try to get inside of you and tell you that you are wrong, bad. It is your choice whether to let them in or to tell them to high-tail it out of town.

We are so used to feeling the need to be validated by others that we allow them to tell us that we are doing our lives all wrong. As an example: I was discussing family with a friend when she asked me how I respond to people being less than understanding when they find out that I don't speak to my mother (except in cases of emergency). I responded that I don't give people the space to judge what I do (to my face at least). The idea that someone would feel comfortable telling me that they feel I should live my life differently is comedy to me. Honestly hilarious. Part of the reason there is no room is because I am never confused about decisions I make. I recognize this as a blessing, I do. I work with my clients to gain clarity around their own lives so that they can also make clear and definitive choices, and change their minds if they choose to.

I live my truth at all times. I do not ever attempt to be someone other than who I am, fully. That person is absolutely deserving, worthy, worthwhile, amazing and divine. She is also an asshole, stubborn and selfish when she needs to be. I don't EVER feel wrong. I don't ever feel like I am not good enough. I don't ever believe someone is going to know better than I will how I feel. I never allow those stories, those lies to be a part of my universe. They are allergic to the air in my atmosphere. It is the most freeing thing that you can ever experience, being authentic. I do what I want and you can too; things will still get done, life will continue, work will be worked and tasks accomplished.

So, yes, I am happy because I wouldn't have it any other way. My joy is of the utmost importance. When I am joy I am able to give without needing to take many breaks; I don't feel used; I don't need it reciprocated because it is without expectation that I am giving. Happiness is available to every single one of us… you just have to take it.

butterflylady
butterflylady

A Vow to Self

"Behind all resistance is fear. Behind all fear is a lack of faith in oneself." ~Dina Bachelor Evan The thing that I love about marriage (besides not being married at the time I am writing this) is that it is a vow, an amazingly brave vow to take. It basically says that you will do the hard work it takes to learn, grow, be vulnerable, not hide, accept, love and support someone, even when you want to run away… it is, in truth a vow to your Self to work on you through your relationship to another. Marriage is a crazy beautiful ridiculous impossible rewarding thing, even when it doesn't work out. Vows are powerful and scary, beautiful and breathtaking, magical and mysterious. They matter when you make them and they matter when you break them. The truth is, many people don't ever imagine a time, when they are getting married, that they wouldn't want to be married to the person they are with, until it happens.

My father refuses to talk about death, scares him shitless. It is going to happen, to him, to me, to everyone that is alive. Death is a promise the moment you are conceived. It is the ONLY thing you can count on from the very beginning. Well, falling out of love with someone is the promise of falling in love with someone. What if, instead of avoiding the inevitable, everyone started discussing what they planned on doing when things get tough with their significant others, how they planned on moving through the struggle? What if we recognized that growth was inevitable and a potential 30, 40, 50 years with someone would yield at least 1-5 years of rough patch territory; seriously. A few years of struggle ain't so bad in the grand scheme of things. When you are looking at eons, a couple of years is a drop in the bucket. Besides, what is the point of getting married if you aren't going to do what you can when shit is going south? That is called dating and it is awesome because you can just get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. The downside to dating is that you can get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not one to tell anyone to stay in something that is shitty. On the contrary, I break up with friends when I feel that the friendship is no longer serving me in a healthy way. I know that everything ends. I know that what happens is what is meant to… so it goes. I do believe, however, if you have the chance to do your work, take it, especially when you made a promise to do so.

No matter how far away you go, you will still be where you are. Leaving one thing to go to the next doesn't actually solve the issue, which is always, my loves, you. No matter how much you would prefer the other person to be wrong, fucked up, and unworthy, you only see in another what you have within yourself. The best part of commitment is commitment. You will learn to stretch and grow and do more and go farther and suck it up in ways you would never if you weren't committed. It is like being committed to a workout plan as opposed to just working out when you feel like it. The part that is hard, really really hard is that you have to face the fact that the only way to make things better in your life is to truly love, cherish and honor yourself and that your understanding of how to do that is archaic and often just plain wrong. When you realize that you have to say the hard thing, do the hard work, and look deep inside and face the dark stuff, you may want to run. Wanting to flee is often a response to not wanting to see…. not wanting to see how you gave yourself away thinking you were taking care of your partner, when you were, in actuality, giving your power away to someone who was giving their power away too. Both partners feeling powerless and thinking that they are helping the other out in whatever way they thought they were supposed to, only to get angry and blame the other for their unhappiness at a later date. Relationships can force you, when pushed to their powerful potential, to deal with your Self, in ways you would never if given the chance to just cut and run. Of course, you don't have to deal, but the blessings that come when you do are immeasurable.

Now just because you work on your things and potentially heal your wounds with your partner does not mean you will remain partnered… your work together may be over after that, this healing may be exactly why you joined in a union to begin with. It is also the case that you must have a partner who is willing and ready to work on things in order to actually heal with them. If you have a partner who has given up you may need to move on. I have been there, I was married, have been in long term relationships, I get it. Nothing lasts forever, nothing ever could. My hope is that you receive all of the gifts an experience is here to give and from that place of strength make choices from your highest most ideal space to take your next beautiful steps.

Four-Seasons-Tree
Four-Seasons-Tree

Love, love and more love.

xo a

Self Inflicted

Hello, Writing is one way that I own my personal power… moving my body in another way, speaking my mind, saying what I want, loving myself are all ways in which I demonstrate my awareness around my divinity. One of the ways in which we undermine our personal power is by leaving ourselves. We leave ourselves by being inauthentic; not doing what we want to do. When we don't know what we want, do what others want, or refuse to admit what we want, we dishonor our soul's divinity. We have the same rights as everyone else to feel, want and need. When we put someone's needs, wants or feelings over our own by making ours less than, we cut away pieces of ourselves. We take these pieces and we give them away, in some ways hoping that someone will notice that we are mutilating ourselves for the sake of the love, respect, kindness of others. It is hard to respect someone who doesn't honor themselves; whether we realize consciously they are hurting themselves or not, our soul can see another soul that is abusing themselves.

Abuse is often considered something that is done to another person or thing. However, abuse more often happens within a person's relationship with him/herself. We abuse ourselves by not discovering who we are, what we want, how we feel. We abuse ourselves by never getting to know and love ourselves yet expecting to have a long and healthy life. If you are in a relationship with someone you never speak to, get to know and love most would call that neglect. Very few people would think it was ok to stay in that relationship… yet we are in it with ourselves right now. Most people are the worst partners to themselves, partly because they have no idea that that relationship that you have with yourself is every relationship in your world. The external relationships are just aspects of your very deep and complicated relationship with your Self. We spend a lot of time blaming someone else for making us feel this or that when on a higher level they are showing us what we do to and think of ourselves.

Where this is hard to hear or understand is when you think you are being loving and giving to your partner by looking out for them first, by bending over backwards to make sure they are understood and heard… by going to great lengths to squash any feelings you have that may be contrary to theirs. We think we are being loving, we believe we are taking care. We are being so mean, violently so, to our souls. They don't actually benefit either. They are left stunted without ever seeing that the world doesn't revolve around them, and therefore never getting to figure out what to do with their feelings and desires that aren't fulfilled by another. They don't have the opportunity to fend for themselves and in that way emotionally grow. And you… well, you are being your most ferocious enemy. You make you wrong. You make what you need invalid and when your partner or others support your being invalid, you feel even worse.

Where are you denying you? Notice how you keep people around you who support this abuse you inflict on yourself. Sometimes these abuse supporters feel threatened when you begin to fight for yourself, when you begin to stop the cutting. This is to be expected, but never to be honored. Your power is your own, own it.

BreakFreeSlider1
BreakFreeSlider1

xo a

As Is, Is Perfect

Howdy, It is ok that you aren't always nice. It is ok that you are sometimes an asshole. It is ok that you don't have it all figured out. It is. Many of us have decided that in order to be ok we have to be void of anything that has been judged as negative, bad, base. We believe that we must cut out our darkness as we would a cancer. We want everyone to live in harmony and light without recognizing that harmony and light need discord and darkness to exist. The issue isn't that everything exists, it is all in how we are viewing it. Our adding condemnation to something that we already have fear, shame and regret around only adds to the strength of the darkness and our fear; it only turns the lights out more. When you recognize the place that darkness deserves and requires in order for you to see the light, you no longer have any reason to fear that the darkness or shadow controls you or will do damage. A gun isn't dangerous unless it is in the hands of a human. The darkness isn't the bad guy.

When we refuse to accept the divinity of all things, including the stuff we hate, we refute, we would like to run the opposite direction from, we are forced then to repeat the experience that we so adamantly condemned. We don't have to learn through suffering, it is simply that we refuse to learn any other way… The universe isn't conflicted, we are. The universe isn't judging you as good or bad, it is simply throwing at you information for you to use to create deeper and richer experiences of your choosing. Imagine being able to look at your experiences in your life as ways to grow closer to your's and other's divinity. What would be the purpose of denying anything that was, in actuality, a gift. It is never the thing itself that is the issue but, instead, the thoughts we have about that thing that becomes our albatross. When you leave the thing as an it, or place on it the wise experience that is its highest potential, your world shifts in miraculous ways.

Our thinking is our biggest hurdle, our wanting to fit into an idea of something we have never truly experienced. We spend our time deciding what ok and what is not or trying to manipulate the world around us to fit into our narrow ideas (based on our limited experience) of love. What we don't fully understand is that all of it is love and worry, fear, hate, etc are also part and parcel to the journey to love… albeit roundabout. It is a hard thing to grasp that you are never without, never alone, never lost; that even when you are an asshole you are divine. Even when you don't know the next move to make you are moving in the direction you are supposed to be moving. Acceptance is an unveiling of the miracle of existence… of everything.

Wake up to the magic, it can be phenomenal if you allow it to be.

chaos
chaos

xo a

Never Lonely

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Themed cycle classes. My lovely friends. Sleeping in. Fit, Strong, Sexy Bodies. New Fitness Equipment.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

I don't get lonely. I really enjoy being on my own and I really enjoy being with others. No matter the situation I am in I am pretty content with being me and living my life. This is not something that is usual for most. Loneliness is a plague it seems. Many people will do most anything to get away from that feeling of being lonely. The paradox is that no one can fill up that feeling; no one, no thing, no place, no activity. Loneliness is a symptom, a sign, that you have left you. You have deserted yourself. The feeling of loneliness is a sign that the relationship that matters most as far as health, happiness and wellbeing, hasn't been nurtured. When you recognize that you could be your best friend, most amazing confidante and supporter, and you put energy into that relationship, loneliness will not have space to take root.

When you aren't lonely you find that the people in your life change. They are not looking for you to fill a space; they aren't looking for you to complete them in any way. When you fill yourself up, you are able to find others who have done the same. With the neediness removed from connection you are left to learn about yourself through your relationships, you are ready to grow and move forward in ways you couldn't have when you used others to numb yourself out. When you stop abusing others the way we do food, sex, drugs, etc. you will find happiness that is unyielding, unwavering, constant and more comforting than any other love you have known. When you are in love with you, when you are happy being you, when you stop leaving you, you will never be alone.

Be alone, be lonely, be afraid, be sad. Go through the feelings that you are sinking, falling and no one is there… then remember that you are. You could show up. You can bring your light to the surface, it is a choice. It is. We love to play victim and we love to stay confused. Stop using not knowing how to do something as an excuse. Read, google, write, ask, etc. Make a move, take action! You need to be where you are to get to where you are going, stop running from yourself. Stop leaving yourself. You are not alone, you never were and you don't ever have to be again.

self-love-woman
self-love-woman

xo a

Fear of Flying

Hi! When you let go of the idea that you will be safe if you have a relationship with someone who understands you, who gets you; when you stop worrying about things that are not happening right now; when you remember that all of this is temporary fear pops up and then bounces away. It is the exact opposite of what happens for those who believe that a relationship will fulfill them, "knowing" will calm them or that what they hold onto will last forever; for those people, fear consumes them. The notion that there is safety, security and fulfillment in all the things that truly are temporary, whether you consciously get it or not, would bring up fear because there is no truth to it. We grab onto one another hoping that in the other we will find ground and stop the fall. What we don't understand is that the one we are holding onto is falling also and couldn't stop your internal struggle no matter how much they wanted to. You are the one who can catch you, make you feel secure and loved fully. You are your savior.

We live in a world where most things are unknown yet we try our best to control all. We put rules on everything in order to gain some semblance of being the boss of all. Then life happens, people leave, die, things end, begin, magic happens. We are so set in believing that we KNOW things that we call anything that goes outside of what we have arbitrarily decided could happen, unexplainable, not true, made up, fantasy, conspiracy or some other such definition that usually has a negative connotation. We actually chastise people who refuse to think like the rest of the society we are in. It is understandable then that deep down we are struggling within this box that we are in. Boxes are cramped and somewhere in our soul we see the expansiveness of existence. We know that the world is bigger than the box but because we don't know what lies outside of it, we freak the f*ck out and basically refuse to leave the 'safety' of it. The box says that if you do certain things then certain things will happen. Well, there may be a possibility that those things are going to happen but there is a possibility that other things would happen too. The world is mysterious, exciting and surprising.

Letting go of our illusion of security is a process for most. You can practice it by doing things that challenge you in various ways. You can do it by changing your language around love, relationships, and the world. You can let go of the idea of security by recognizing that the only control that you have is over you and how you respond to your world… Or you can learn through the fact that the world will stop at nothing to get you to see it. The world, universe, will take things away, bring things in, create chaos and then bring order whether you want it or not. The universe will give you opportunity after opportunity to learn how to let go of our attachments. What you call falling I call flying. When you open up to possibility, to understanding that it is the moment that is precious, not the imagined future, you can stop the drop and begin to enjoy the journey. It is your choice to bury your head or spread your wings.

flyowl
flyowl

xo a

Not Shaken, Not Stirred

Hi there, What happens for you when someone doesn't like you; how do you handle rejection, perceived or real?  You can tell a lot about where you are in terms of self-love, self-worth and self-esteem when you look at how you handle rejection.  Do you feel that you aren't good enough?  Do you feel like your world won't be the same if you aren't loved or accepted by others?  Do you feel shaken to the core if things don't fit into your idea of comfortable? When you have to talk yourself down off of the ledge on a regular basis; when you are driving yourself crazy imagining things that you are afraid of happening or when you feel like you won't actually be ok without the attention of others or another it is time for a paradigm shift.

How you view your world, what you think is cause and effect, how you behave, where you place your faith, essentially your worldview is your paradigm. When you shift it you have to change, well, everything.  The shift may not be something you have to do piecemeal, however.  You can, when you recognize your world isn't working for you in it's present state, shift one thing, one bit of understanding of the world and shift everything else… basically like a domino effect.  In a world where you are shaken because of other's feelings about you, you believe that you aren't enough, that you must have outside validation to be ok.  You cannot imagine being happy alone.  The idea of you being your most important person is a concept not a reality.  You may never have truly had a center or feel grounded.  It is a world where you feel like you need to control others so that your feelings don't spin out of control.  Your way of controlling may seem like love, care-taking, being helpful… but the ultimate expectation is for you to not be left, not be alone, to be liked.

There are an infinite number of ways to change what you are doing in order to do something else, no matter what.  The only thing that is truly mandatory is awareness that what you have been doing is no longer what you want to do.  You have to have desire.  Your desire to change has to be stronger than your fear of change.  Basically you need to be fed up with being unhappy, unsettled, shaken, panicky, controlling, desperate and needy.  You may have come to this realization through a pattern of failed relationships, friendships or your own lack of being able to get unstuck from a feeling that you can't articulate.  When you recognize that you want to be somewhere you have never been you will have to go about things in a way you never have.  You will have to go about things in an altogether new way.

Life is a mystery and everyday we get clues. Enjoy the search for your answers.

happiness-is-an-inside-job
happiness-is-an-inside-job

xo a

One Foot In Front of The Other

Hello, Keep going.  I know how hard things can feel.  I know how sometimes you think that it is all for naught; that you are just going in circles.  You aren't even though it truly doesn't seem like any forward movement is happening.  Then there are times where you know you are moving forward but it just isn't at the pace you would like it to be.  You want quicker results.  You want the results to fit into your expectations, you want what you want and anything else seems like failure.  I get it but cannot support it.  We set ourselves up for failure on a regular basis and don't take responsibility for managing our own expectations around our growth, success or advancement.  When you expect to be rid of something you only just recently learned you were embodying for most of your life you are setting yourself up for disappointment; you can at least give yourself a similar amount of time to get above what you don't like as it took to make what you don't like a habit; 5 years of making something a habit takes is going to require longer than a few months to truly unlearn.

This isn't for you to become discouraged.  On the contrary, it is so you understand patience.  When you are working on learning how to live a life that is new in a large number of ways, the last area of your life to truly shift is your emotional life.  How we view the world, how we see ourselves, what we want, feel, desire, all of these things are deeply embedded in our core.  Changing how we respond to present situations so that we aren't repeating behaviors of the past is difficult and an ongoing process.  You mustn't get ahead of yourself and, at the same time, you must dream bigger and see farther than your present state of being.  In other words, you must stay rooted in the present moment but peer over it to see that there is light; faith is needed.

Anything you want to change, grow, learn will take time.  You will have to put energy into whatever it is that you would like to attain.  Giving up, deciding that it isn't happening fast enough, becoming discouraged, losing faith are the enemies of love, life and the pursuit of emotional, spiritual and physical evolution.  As you stumble, recognize that there is something that slowing down will show you.  As you feel like you are spiraling or having a setback, know that you need to gather more tools for your journey and this is an opportunity to do so.  There are no mistakes if you are consistently learning.

Keep going.  The only way out is through.

LeapOfFaith
LeapOfFaith

xo a

If You Want It

Hi there, If you want to do something do it… you don't have to be perfect at it or know what you are doing, really… just do it. If you want to write, for example, then write. Write your dreams, write your stories, write your hopes and write your fears. Write about other people, write about yourself, make up stories and speak your facts. If you want to dance, dance… everyday. Put music on, move your body, keep moving your body. Dance every chance you get. If you want to sing, sing in the shower, in your car, living room or kitchen. Sing when you are sad, sing when you are happy, sing when you are walking down the street. Sing when you are working out, sing when you are chillin. If you want to do something you don't yet know how to, you are going to have to 'just do it' as they say.

We hesitate, we come up with reasons why we cannot start something now, we lie, we manipulate and we become dictated by our fears. Our fears consist of not being good at what we are learning to do, not being good at what we are learning to do and oh, yes, not being good at it yet. Ok, so now that you know what you are afraid of, do it anyway. You most likely won't be good at it until you practice whatever you are learning, over and over again. Part of being new at something is making mistakes. Those mistakes you make early on are the building blocks of mastery which you will reach later if you keep on practicing. We also miss out of living the life of our dreams because of a lack of faith. We sometimes believe that things are too good to be true and/or we don't deserve all the great things. Instead of giving you examples of why those ideas are loads of sh*t, I will just tell you, those ideas are loads of sh*t. You deserve the abundance that is available to us all, no doubt about it.

The biggest hurdle to achieving anything is doing it where you are now; not waiting for the right time to strike. If you want it go get it. I remember wanting to write, for years. The second biggest hurdle to achieving what you dream of, practicing what you what you dream of doing, all of the time. Behave like you really want to know, like you really want to learn. No more excuses, get going, have at it. You are wasting time doing things that aren't your dream if you know what you want and aren't running it down. If you aren't sure about your dreams or have been, up to this point, afraid of voicing them, let that go. Put words to your desires and then put action to those words. Yours is a life that is waiting to be lived.

ocean_dreams

xo

a

Only The Lonely

Hi there :) Soon my website will be going live and will have sections for my video blogs (which you can find on YouTube if you search for my Glossylove Channel or Aina Williams), Body Camps, Life Coaching, Personal Training, Nutrition and more!  Exciting!!!  Stay tuned.

I am someone who is very happy being alone, I truly enjoy being with me…  I grew up with two people who were somewhat depressed and enjoyed being solo.  At a young age I figured out how to hang with me.  I created worlds and scenarios.  I walked through my home with candles pretending to be a princess that was looking for her prince.  I imagined my future, I created my life many times over.  I had fun.  I always truly enjoyed the company of others and was made to deal on my own even more when we moved to a small town in North Carolina.  I was bullied and even more isolated than I could have ever imagined.  It was rough and I was so lonely… I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

So many of us have a really hard time being alone.  In some ways it is horrifying for people.  Alone, all alone with their true feelings, thoughts, inclinations.  Nothing to take them away from themselves.  Some turn to constantly having others around, never giving themselves alone time.  Others find another way to numb out and escape being alone with themselves; drugs, food, sex, TV, internet… anything that is a distraction, that quiets the voices in their heads.  Some people refuse to be alone, sacrificing their true happiness simply so they aren't single.  Finding relationship a sort of validation; having it equal them being worthy, lovable.  There is no judgment here… just truth and some questions.  How long can you keep running from yourself?  What are you afraid or ashamed of?

Because I have been trained on being my own best friend I need my space like you need air.  When I feel that anyone, friend, family member or lover, wants more time from me than I have had for myself things usually end.  What I value in alone time is the space to regroup, assess where I am and how I feel.  When I am focused on someone else I am not actually doing my own personal work.  I am helping someone else do theirs; which is my work on one level.  If I don't have balance with focusing on others and then focusing on me, the two will blend together.  Enmeshing is something that can be really damaging to overall happiness.  When you cannot tell where you begin or end emotions get truly all-encompassing.  I feel strongly that our being in these separate bodies is so that we can feel our separateness and work on the whole through that experience.  Truly we are one and that doesn't have to be demonstrated by not owning our very separate feelings.  We don't have to lose ourselves in this reality in order to stay connected to one another… We also are truly able to become closer when we become whole on our own.  When we stop looking to something or someone else to make us feel valid and full and worthy.

Think about your relationships.  Are they serving your best interest?  Do they bring out your highest self?  If you cannot answer yes to these questions for every relationship, the issue is the relationship you have with yourself.  Start there.  Fall in love at home, with you… then see how easy it is for love to come into your life and never ever leave.

personal-freedom xo

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What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Cool Breezes on Hot Days.

My Space.  

Woo With Amy.

Push-Ups at 2am.

Finding Lost Things.

Coach Aina Body Camp - http://coachaina.com/body-camp/ 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We take things way too seriously in my opinion.  We get so bent out of shape about the smallest things.  We stress and worry and stress and worry some more.  We think that things are supposed to be smooth and without hiccups when what we don't understand is that our definition of smooth and without hiccups is just an opinion, not a fact.  We have decided what it means for something to "go on without a problem."  Though there has never been a problem that was universally a problem.  Problems are perspectives not facts.

How would your life change if you recognized that your issues are perspectives?  Take for example relationship woes, who hasn't had those?  What if you saw the areas of difficulty as benefits.  What better environment to work on bettering yourself than with someone who wants to be with you?  When you see struggle as a partner to growth you can appreciate the times you didn't understand or know something as gifts.  If you were a teacher you wouldn't give calculus to a 6-year-old who didn't show the signs of being a math prodigy, correct?  Well, the universe isn't going to bring to you areas of development if you weren't ready to receive, make sense of and use them to move forward.

When you recognize that you are on the path you were meant to be, hiccups and all, you can let go of stressing and worrying about the way things are playing out.  You can begin to look at your life as perfectly designed for you to be all that you can be.  The work is in you taking each opportunity for what it is.  The best part is the universe never gives up on you; you will have more opportunities to figure your sh*t out, believe me.  I can't say the same for relationships, some of those will end if you choose to put off growing and developing in a timely manner (timely as defined by your partner).  So, instead of wasting time, because that is what lamentation, worry, stress, fear is, take what you need to get you to your becoming as it is handed to you every single day.

Remember, the force is always with you because you are the force.

xo

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Totally You

Hiya, If you are going to change the world you may not always be well received. Hell, even if you are not trying to change the world, someone will take issue with you at some point. You cannot, if you plan on living longer than a few days, get through life without someone feeling some sort of way that isn't all lollipops and fairies about you. You will have to figure out how to manage triggering someone, being triggered by someone and being liked and disliked for no apparent reason. To top it all off, if you plan on truly being your authentic self you may need to practice being independent in because authenticity, if you have come to it later in life (past the age of 30) you will lose those who enjoyed you when you weren't in touch with who you truly are.

First you must realize that we are all here for a reason. You may not want to think that because it means you need to figure out your reason and this can seem daunting. Your reason can be one singular thing or it can be everything you are ever associated with. The truth of the matter is it is all of the above. Your reason is everything you come into contact with, directly or indirectly. Nothing you interact with is by chance or mistake. Think about it. Our cells do everything on purpose; every function in our body is because of something else that has come before it… at no point does a cell say that its division had no meaning. We are made up of these purposeful beings, how in he world could what we do be by chance or just because?

So, now that you understand you are here on purpose, go and be. Be fully yourself without concern that you aren't doing it right. You are doing it exactly how it is meant to be done by you. When you feel the need to change, for whatever reason, you will and it will be good; until then you may need to understand why you aren't always loved for being you, or supported for that matter… even by those you love. People are wounded, sensitive and afraid; they are also brainwashed. We live in a world where people believe that it is unpatriotic to question the government that was brought into existence to serve us; where we believe that we are separate from one another and some are better than others. When someone in this pack of wolves decides to do what resonates with them despite what the pack feels about it there will be some discomfort, to say the least.

There is no greater reward than being accepted for who you truly are; no greater struggle either. When you open yourself to not fitting in, to doing what makes sense to your soul, not your intellect, you will begin the journey that is paved with love, lifted by wings and filled with light. It is your road to yourself and, in that, the road to all of us. Let people hate, tell you that you need to change, feel insecure, defensive and downright insulted that you refuse to do what they think you should; then, keep on stepping cause you are doing something right.

authenticitydude

xo

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Kidding

Hi there, One of the reasons I enjoy speaking to children so much is that they are so much easier to talk to, share ideas with, create worlds with.  They dream, they speak their dreams, they sing, dance and have fun for no reason at all.  They laugh easily, make jokes that aren't funny but end up being hilarious because they just enjoy the ridiculousness of it all and make friends easily.  They are far from innocent but they believe what they cannot see because they know that there is so much more… they feel their way through the world and acknowledge that they don't know when they don't know.  They are forever curious.

The older I get the more I enjoy being around children or those who are in the winter of their life for a few reasons.  Old people don't always give a rat's ass about what others think anymore and kids certainly don't.  Somewhere in the middle we get freaked the f*ck out about each and every move we make.  We fear the unknown, we don't dance without being drunk, we second guess our every thought and move.  It is exhausting to think about how much grief each grown-up give themselves for not being perfect.  At what point were we supposed to master perfection?  When were we supposed to learn it all?  We get jobs that pay us and we get set in a lifestyle and we forget what it was like to just be happy.  No one thing needed to happen to be happy, we could just see what is unseen, the fairies, the beauty of the world.  We forget to sing songs into existence and dance to rhythms that only we can hear.  We stop being open to someone who we are drawn to.

Don't wait until you have grown out of the fear and into your later years to regain your joy.  Do the things that are scary, be new at something again.  Bring back that feeling of wonder… live your life like you are in charge because you are.  Know that you cannot make a wrong move if you are learning from every step.  Life isn't about planning and waiting.  Life isn't about pretending to be something you aren't.  Life isn't about competing and comparing.  Life, when you are truly living is scary and thrilling and surprising and rarely, if ever, boring.  Dream again; dream BIG then do what you have to in order to realize that dream.  You have a life to live… it is short, really, and it is worth the risk of failure in order to risk living your dreams.  The tradeoff is not even close.  Nothing beats doing what you truly want to do.  Kids know this… when did you forget?

kidsplay

xo

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Choices

Hi there, You will be ok.  If you push harder, sweat more, sleep less and go farther you will survive.  We have such a distorted idea of what we are capable of.  If you want to be successful, if you want to reach a goal you are going to need to suck it up and go for it.  Wake up.  WAKE UP!!!!  When things go wrong you figure out how to manage your life around trying to get them to go right… right?  What if you controlled what you could control… like movement, thoughts and behavior.  What if you created habits that supported a lifestyle that supports life?  What if you stopped doing things that sucked energy; things that don't feed your soul, healed your body and broadened your mind?  Do you know what is possible, do you know where your limit is?

I can tell you that you don't know your limits unless you have already figured out how to fly; to just elevate like a ghost.  If you haven't gotten to that point yet you are still at the "I have no f*ing idea what my potential is" point.  And… if you do know how to fly then you understand that we are limitless.  If you decide to work at something with drive, determination, unrelenting discipline you will master it.  You are not limited by who your mom or your dad is, what your bloodline says, or what anyone else in your family has or has not done.  You are only held back by your beliefs; your believing that you are limitless limits you.  Your believing that your family history determines your future is unbelievably damaging to your journey towards flight.  If you want to be a dancer, dance.  If you want to be a writer, write.  If you want to be an amazing lover, love, communicate, practice.  Whatever you see as amazing in someone else you can be too.  Seriously.

I want to be stronger, faster, fitter.  I work at it daily.  I want to be the best DJ that I have heard of.  I work at it daily.  I want to be a proficient, consistent and relevant writer.  I write everyday.  When you want something you need to go after it.  When you see someone living a dream that you wouldn't mind living, at least your version of it, work for it.  When you want to bring something into your world or take something out, make the decision.  That is the secret.  Deciding to do something different, something more, something daring and something you never dared to do will automatically make it a possibility.

infinity-art

Sometimes you just have to make a choice.  Make one that scares you, that takes you farther than you are presently, that challenges your very idea of who you are or ever could be.  Then watch the magic happen, while you sweat your ass off going after it.

xo

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No Know

Hello, What is it in us humans that makes it easier to believe that we know it all instead of understanding that we know so little that to use the word know is actually humorous?  Knowing belies the fact that we are actually just gathering from our experience.  As our experiences increase our knowing shifts.  So how is it that we know anything and why is it important that we do?  Maybe it is just semantics, but words are important.  The first meaning of know is to be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information.  The second is to have knowledge or information concerning.  The last definition and the one that most people use when they are using the word know; to be absolutely certain or sure about something.  This last definition is what most people are thinking when they use the word know.  Absolute certainty is something that just isn't absolute.  We have all been sure about a lover, a job, a choice only to have time show us otherwise.  Knowing isn't all it is cracked up to be.

We get a sense of security when we can say that we know.  Knowledge feeds our egos and helps us believe that we are somehow in control and dominate our surroundings.  When we feel absolutely sure about something we get this feeling of comfort and familiarity.  It feels good to know.  Our response to what we don't know, or the unknown, tells you how scary it is to go farther than we have.  When you open yourself up to not knowing it is possible to discover that knowledge is less important than curiosity.  You might discover that knowledge is actually a trick to stop magic from happening.  Our dogged desire to understand, to predict, to control keeps us from seeing the fairies, spirits and different dimensions that exist.  Because we feel that it is necessary to be absolutely certain about things in order for them to be true we lose so much experiential information.  Is it true that you love your cat or dog.  Can you be absolutely certain about it; can anyone else?  Knowledge is a distraction, a hurdle, something to get over having to feel.

knowing-gods-will

What if you looked at the world with curiosity?  What if instead of knowing you observed patterns, you had ideas, you didn't know?  What if you recognized that knowledge is always and forever changing, therefore absolutes weren't possible.  What if you stepped out of your comfort zone; how would you experience the world then?  Knowledge is a limitation.  Being open to not knowing is an invitation.  We couldn't possibly, with our limited senses, know anything for certain.  We can't even see in the dark, let alone things we don't know exist.  Everyday you learn something new, something that prior to that moment you didn't know.  If knowing was a relationship we would all be polyamorous, we change our knowing so often.

Accept the invitation to trust that we are always learning, exploring and expanding.  Trust that you don't need to know for sure to believe that all is possible.  Try it, see what comes.

xo

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Be Honest

Hey there, When was the last time you asked yourself the tough questions?  When was the last time you asked yourself what you would change if there were no yucky repercussions?  Have you ever asked yourself a question like that?  So many people are so afraid of truth that they won't even let it into their own heads.  As soon as something that doesn't fit within their idea of what they should do, feel, think or say pops up they push it down.  When your own truth is too scary to acknowledge consciously it begins to find its way to the surface unconsciously.  You will have to deal with your feelings, your actual thoughts and wishes one way or another.  

The truth is you cannot get away from what you really want, think or feel.  You will have to address it at some point.  The resistance of it ensures that it will grow stronger until you have nothing but that thing you have been trying to deny.  It is not a mind over matter situation when it comes to denial.  Even the reasons we give for never wanting to admit to what we are thinking, feeling, desiring.  Relationships could change (will change), lifestyles might have to shift, you may have to get used to letting go of what you once thought made you, you.  Finally owning up to what is actually happening for you holds a lot of weight and some of that may be frightening.  Let me assure you that only great things truly come from owning and accepting all of who you are, even the parts of you you still choose not to share.  

There is nothing like being able to answer the tough questions without running from them.  In order to live the life of your dreams you will have to admit what your dreams truly are.  You may have to admit that your life, as it is, is not what you would truly pick for yourself anymore.  Owning this fact doesn't mean you have made any mistakes, it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong.  Knowing what you really want, feel and think allows you to align your life up so that you are truly happy.  When you no longer have to deny what you feel inside you can get busy living your fullest most authentic life.  When you are honest with yourself you can be honest with others.  When you are honest about who you are, what you want and where you are going you will have a much easier time being who you are, getting what you want and getting to where you are going.  Life is what you make it… so make it what you really would like it to be.  

acceptance

xo

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You Hurt You. Stop.

Hello lovely, How long would you tolerate a relationship where you were told that you weren't living up to the expectations of your partner.  What if you worked hard to make progress to attempt to appease your partner and they still found fault with you and refused to validate the work you had done thus far?  What if you told your friends what your partner said to you.  That they called you fat, lazy, unorganized, stupid and other such things?  What would they advise you to do?  If your friend came to you with this information, how would you advise them?

self_harm2

Emotional abuse is far more damaging overall than physical and most of us are guilty of perpetrating it.  Usually we have the where-with-all to keep it a secret and only do it in our safest most private places… in our own hearts and minds.  We cut ourselves down so swiftly most of us don't even recognize that it is being done but it is.  We are victims to ourselves.  No matter where we go there we are.  Looking in the mirror, eating dinner or a snack, walking to and fro, doing the work you have chosen, you are there putting yourself down when the chance arises.  We fill ourselves full of doubt, we imagine the worst.  We believe we don't deserve all the great things and when they come along we often have a hard time accepting them.  We may feel ok to have what "makes sense" for the work we have put in, but any more than that and we upper limit ourselves and create reasons for not being able to push past certain points in various areas of our lives.  

Do you need to break up with you or do you have a chance to be rehabilitated?  You would advise your friend to leave the lover who was abusive, emotionally or otherwise… so I am advising you to do something similar.  Treat that side of yourself as you would someone who is unbelievably insecure and lashes out regularly.  That part of you is like a person drowning looking for anything close to push down on in order to get above the surface.  You are going to have to be disciplined and diligent when it comes to either cutting off the nasty comments or reframing them and reprogramming the responses of your own personal bully.  When you are able to do this the world will open up in ways you never realized it would.  When you are supportive to yourself you can breathe, you are lighter.  

How would anyone fare being abused daily?  Ok, now look at your life and the areas you would like to be improved, would support help in this area?  Would some positive reinforcement be a motivating force?  I believe so.  Try it, what do you have to lose except that abusive bully that lives inside you.  Your higher self is waiting.

xo

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Letting Go of What You Know

Hello, How are you responding to your life?  Are you resisting or accepting?  If you aren't sure then think about the ease of your life.  Is there any or are you stressed and generally unhappy?  We tend to resist change and accept what we have grown accustomed to (even when it doesn't make us happy).  We resist change so much that it often comes in the form of big life events that are difficult or impossible for us to ignore.  We humans actually believe that we have some control over the movement of the universe, that we can make things happen how and when we would like them to.  We have some influence, indeed.  After all we are all co-creators of this world.  In reality we are waking up to a new possibility each day, one where the best tool in your bag is curiosity.  

In order to live a life that has a bit less struggle and a lot more snuggle :)  (I sometimes just like to rhyme) you are going to first come to the understanding that you don't need to know everything.  You can trust and have faith that things are happening for a reason and to be open to understanding later.  You can also recognize that as time passes your information will change.  What you know to be the case now will not necessarily stay the same in the future.  Each day brings with it surprises.  Planning is important and valuable, being attached to the plan is a hinderance when plans change (note that it isn't "if" plans change).  Everything is in motion.  Nothing is the way it was yesterday, or two minutes ago for that's sake.  Our desire and efforts to keep things as is is futile on every level and on every layer.  When we are curious, this truth that the only constant is inconsistency or change, becomes less fear making and inspires more creativity and risk taking.  

 

This brings me back to whether you are accepting or resisting your life.  When you accept change as a way of life you live a life with so much less fear.  You become curious about what the change that is presenting itself means.  This doesn't mean that you aren't sometimes afraid, resistant or unhappily surprised.  It just means that you are able to let go of these old programmed responses quickly and come to a place where you begin to see that there is more to change than shock.  There is a depth of acceptance that resistance simply cannot appreciate.  Acceptance is where growth begins.  Growth can only happen when you have an understanding that there is more than what is and curiosity is the gift of staying open to all of the information the situation you are in has to offer you.  You are like a sponge from the day you are conceived.  You soak up information and choose how to use it throughout your life.  As you age you begin to either continue to absorb or dry up.  Imagine absorbing throughout, being as curious, as accepting as a baby is.  How would you see the world differently if you believed it was a never-ending all-knowing school?  How would your life change?

xo

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2013-05-24 20.23.20