Relationships

A Vow to Self

"Behind all resistance is fear. Behind all fear is a lack of faith in oneself." ~Dina Bachelor Evan The thing that I love about marriage (besides not being married at the time I am writing this) is that it is a vow, an amazingly brave vow to take. It basically says that you will do the hard work it takes to learn, grow, be vulnerable, not hide, accept, love and support someone, even when you want to run away… it is, in truth a vow to your Self to work on you through your relationship to another. Marriage is a crazy beautiful ridiculous impossible rewarding thing, even when it doesn't work out. Vows are powerful and scary, beautiful and breathtaking, magical and mysterious. They matter when you make them and they matter when you break them. The truth is, many people don't ever imagine a time, when they are getting married, that they wouldn't want to be married to the person they are with, until it happens.

My father refuses to talk about death, scares him shitless. It is going to happen, to him, to me, to everyone that is alive. Death is a promise the moment you are conceived. It is the ONLY thing you can count on from the very beginning. Well, falling out of love with someone is the promise of falling in love with someone. What if, instead of avoiding the inevitable, everyone started discussing what they planned on doing when things get tough with their significant others, how they planned on moving through the struggle? What if we recognized that growth was inevitable and a potential 30, 40, 50 years with someone would yield at least 1-5 years of rough patch territory; seriously. A few years of struggle ain't so bad in the grand scheme of things. When you are looking at eons, a couple of years is a drop in the bucket. Besides, what is the point of getting married if you aren't going to do what you can when shit is going south? That is called dating and it is awesome because you can just get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. The downside to dating is that you can get the hell out of dodge when someone is annoying. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not one to tell anyone to stay in something that is shitty. On the contrary, I break up with friends when I feel that the friendship is no longer serving me in a healthy way. I know that everything ends. I know that what happens is what is meant to… so it goes. I do believe, however, if you have the chance to do your work, take it, especially when you made a promise to do so.

No matter how far away you go, you will still be where you are. Leaving one thing to go to the next doesn't actually solve the issue, which is always, my loves, you. No matter how much you would prefer the other person to be wrong, fucked up, and unworthy, you only see in another what you have within yourself. The best part of commitment is commitment. You will learn to stretch and grow and do more and go farther and suck it up in ways you would never if you weren't committed. It is like being committed to a workout plan as opposed to just working out when you feel like it. The part that is hard, really really hard is that you have to face the fact that the only way to make things better in your life is to truly love, cherish and honor yourself and that your understanding of how to do that is archaic and often just plain wrong. When you realize that you have to say the hard thing, do the hard work, and look deep inside and face the dark stuff, you may want to run. Wanting to flee is often a response to not wanting to see…. not wanting to see how you gave yourself away thinking you were taking care of your partner, when you were, in actuality, giving your power away to someone who was giving their power away too. Both partners feeling powerless and thinking that they are helping the other out in whatever way they thought they were supposed to, only to get angry and blame the other for their unhappiness at a later date. Relationships can force you, when pushed to their powerful potential, to deal with your Self, in ways you would never if given the chance to just cut and run. Of course, you don't have to deal, but the blessings that come when you do are immeasurable.

Now just because you work on your things and potentially heal your wounds with your partner does not mean you will remain partnered… your work together may be over after that, this healing may be exactly why you joined in a union to begin with. It is also the case that you must have a partner who is willing and ready to work on things in order to actually heal with them. If you have a partner who has given up you may need to move on. I have been there, I was married, have been in long term relationships, I get it. Nothing lasts forever, nothing ever could. My hope is that you receive all of the gifts an experience is here to give and from that place of strength make choices from your highest most ideal space to take your next beautiful steps.

Four-Seasons-Tree
Four-Seasons-Tree

Love, love and more love.

xo a

Loving You

Hi! I love relationships. I know that they are the best way to learn about ourselves. I also know that they can be uber challenging which is why there is so much beauty in them (and so much to write about). The aspect of relationships that consistently come up for me in my life and in my client's lives is that of taking care of one another. There are so many things about that phrase that people love and hate. There is a level of taking care of someone that is comforting and healthy and then there is the area where it becomes unhealthy, controlling and self-serving. Most couples tend to go towards unhealthy, controlling and self-serving with the idea that they are being comforting and healthy. It is a hard truth but one that ultimately will lead to a better understanding of why we do what we do and how we can change it.

We are taught to find the one that completes us; our better half. We are led to believe that life is better with a partner, someone to call our own. We are taught that the person we marry/partner with needs to fulfill various requirements and be dutiful and see to our needs. We are taught that we should look outside of ourselves for what we truly need to nurture within us. Our love for another is just a reflection of our love for ourselves. How you are loving your partner is a direct reflection of the love you are giving yourself. When you aren't holding yourself responsible to take care of your needs and desires you will find disappointment in others attempts. When you are hoping your partner does this or that, things you aren't doing for you, they will also fail miserably to fulfill what truly is your task to see to. For example, when you want your partner to communicate with you in a way that is understanding and loving and supportive, what you are finding is that you aren't doing that for you and that information is clearly shown to you by your partner's treatment. Seriously, think about it honestly. When you begin to set boundaries, take care of you and let your partner know what does or does not work, instead of expecting things to just magically happen, you will see a noticeable shift in how you feel and how you are treated. The example you set is the example the people in your life follow. You have to demonstrate how you want to be taken care of by taking care of yourself in that way.

Additionally, there is a pressure that is lifted off of your loved ones when you recognize that they are not the source for your misery and enjoyment. When you stop blaming them for your own stuff they can breathe. When they see that you are not relying on them to be your everything they can be great for you how they are able, and will actually really want to be as well. There is a lot of resentment in relationships where partners are trying to bandage up the other's wounds and in turn neglect their own. Resentment becomes the underlying feeling, along with anger and pain. Let go of the tired and unhealthy notion that you need completion. Embrace the idea that you are all you need to be happy. Maybe then you will decide to be in relationship that honors that and supports your continued work towards who you want to be. Just because you marry someone does not mean you no longer honor and respect the never ending bond your soul made by coming into your body and creating the wonderful and divine YOU that you are.

Be your best friend, lover and partner first. Why would you ever think someone else should love you when you don't or won't?

valentine-heart-of-hearts
valentine-heart-of-hearts

xo a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!! How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day? This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back… put it out there! Let the world feel your appreciation! Let's make a difference.

This only takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer. So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself. Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well). What are you feeling gratitude around? Here are mine for this week:

Amy Morgan and her magic. Breaker's Kids. A Day of Play. My Amazing Life. Rainy Days.

There are no right or wrong answers. It is about what you are grateful for. It is proven that doing this once a week makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights. You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Stop asking your partner to feel differently. We are individuals, even if we are married. If your partner is unhappy, feels angry, sad, happy etc. that is their RIGHT. You asking them to not feel the way that they do is selfish, not loving and actually inappropriate. You cannot blame them for your response to their feelings. Let me repeat, you CAN NOT blame them for how you respond to how they feel (and be healthy). Stop being a baby. Stop looking for someone else to figure out what it is your job to figure out. You are going to have to figure this out sooner or later… the world doesn't revolve around you. You decide how you feel based on your life and your feelings support your philosophies on the world. Change what you believe and your change how you respond. Yes, it is as easy as that.

Your feelings are YOURS and your partner's feelings are theirs. That is pretty simple to get, no? Ok then get it! What they feel never did, nor does it now, have ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. If they say it does, they are mistaken and tell them so. If they say it doesn't, then YAY, they just may be a keeper. If you are confused about what is yours and what is their's then read slowly: If you are thinking it, saying it, feeling it and seeing it then IT IS YOURS. Is that clear? Yes, this is true. Please ask any and all questions you have about this as I know it is tricky for you folks.

Just because you are married or partnered in some way does not, I repeat DOES NOT mean that your partner will be able to comfort, understand, know, hear, listen, and support you in the way you need it when you need it. Being partnered does not make someone perfect, healthy, loving, understanding, happy, brilliant, a miracle worker, magic, fantastic, and immune to being human. Stop expecting what you won't give to yourself from someone else. This is the most important point… Are you taking care of yourself??? How in the hell is someone else going to do it if you aren't? How is someone going to respect boundaries when you don't set any? How is someone supposed to give you the love you have always wanted when you are JUST figuring it out??? Please, please, please think before you speak, reflect before you blame (and then just DON'T blame, it is no one's fault but your own as to why you are where you are) and forgive yourself for not being where you weren't.

You will be fine.

forestgirl
forestgirl

xo a

Fear of Flying

Hi! When you let go of the idea that you will be safe if you have a relationship with someone who understands you, who gets you; when you stop worrying about things that are not happening right now; when you remember that all of this is temporary fear pops up and then bounces away. It is the exact opposite of what happens for those who believe that a relationship will fulfill them, "knowing" will calm them or that what they hold onto will last forever; for those people, fear consumes them. The notion that there is safety, security and fulfillment in all the things that truly are temporary, whether you consciously get it or not, would bring up fear because there is no truth to it. We grab onto one another hoping that in the other we will find ground and stop the fall. What we don't understand is that the one we are holding onto is falling also and couldn't stop your internal struggle no matter how much they wanted to. You are the one who can catch you, make you feel secure and loved fully. You are your savior.

We live in a world where most things are unknown yet we try our best to control all. We put rules on everything in order to gain some semblance of being the boss of all. Then life happens, people leave, die, things end, begin, magic happens. We are so set in believing that we KNOW things that we call anything that goes outside of what we have arbitrarily decided could happen, unexplainable, not true, made up, fantasy, conspiracy or some other such definition that usually has a negative connotation. We actually chastise people who refuse to think like the rest of the society we are in. It is understandable then that deep down we are struggling within this box that we are in. Boxes are cramped and somewhere in our soul we see the expansiveness of existence. We know that the world is bigger than the box but because we don't know what lies outside of it, we freak the f*ck out and basically refuse to leave the 'safety' of it. The box says that if you do certain things then certain things will happen. Well, there may be a possibility that those things are going to happen but there is a possibility that other things would happen too. The world is mysterious, exciting and surprising.

Letting go of our illusion of security is a process for most. You can practice it by doing things that challenge you in various ways. You can do it by changing your language around love, relationships, and the world. You can let go of the idea of security by recognizing that the only control that you have is over you and how you respond to your world… Or you can learn through the fact that the world will stop at nothing to get you to see it. The world, universe, will take things away, bring things in, create chaos and then bring order whether you want it or not. The universe will give you opportunity after opportunity to learn how to let go of our attachments. What you call falling I call flying. When you open up to possibility, to understanding that it is the moment that is precious, not the imagined future, you can stop the drop and begin to enjoy the journey. It is your choice to bury your head or spread your wings.

flyowl
flyowl

xo a

Working It Out

HI there! Working out is a wonderful things, or can be. It is also a practice of patience and faith. Results aren't immediate when you begin your journey to fitness; the road is also an arduous one. The thing about getting strong and healthy is that you never regret it, you never ever look back on your less fit self and think that you made a mistake moving beyond that. When you are not at your ideal weight, health or mental state it can be difficult to imagine what life is like to be absolutely well, it may not be something you believe is a possibility. The universe is possibility. It is expanding right now, creating more and new and different. You are the same, creating something from nothing on a regular basis. You are as creative and powerful as the universe, in your own way. You can take your body and your mental/emotional state and get them to be rock solid if you choose to. The choice is yours, and it is a choice.

greattostart

Making the decision to change your life happens when you can imagine loving something more than where you are at the moment. When you decide you no longer want to be where you are you will find somewhere to go. If that place, the place that resonates with you, is a stronger, fitter, healthier you then you will make those things your reality. When you want it you will not stop to get it. To become healthy, persistence is mandated behavior. Persistence assures that even when the going gets tough you will continue going forward, pushing through, not quitting. Fitness isn't handed to anyone, it is worked towards and for most it is something that you have really commit to in order for it to override all of the habits that got you to the point where you weren't healthy. The lifestyle that supports illness, obesity, unhealthy or unsupportive thinking, toxicity and depression cannot be maintained if you plan on creating an environment where none of those past ways will thrive. It doesn't matter if it is about a relationship with a lover that is abusive or with yourself, if you want something to change, you must start (and end) with YOU.

You may need to start small, as it can be overwhelming letting go of habits that have seemingly become a part of you. You just need to consistently begin to take things away that you know aren't supporting your health and well-being while you add things that do. People, places or things all need to be reviewed when you are changing your life or simply living. Keeping up with how your world is working for you isn't just a good idea but a mandatory behavior for those who maintain their health and wellbeing. On top of clearing out your emotional/energetic space you will need to move your body, aggressively. Movement not only creates change, it stimulates growth in ways you aren't able to understand until you do it. You aren't the one that won't make it. You aren't the one who won't see results with hard work. Once you recognize that you, like everyone else, can have what you want and that the only thing in your way is your attitude, you will be a lot better off.

Working out is wonderful, it is… it brings you to yourself in ways you didn't know you could approach. You learn about your feelings, your judgments, your desires. You learn that it is all about perspective and that yours can be whatever you choose.

xo a

Toxic

Hello there! There are people in your world that may not need to stay. If that resonated then I am talking to you. It doesn't matter if they are your sister, mother, brother or friend, if they are toxic then they aren't helping you. I know you may feel like I am being harsh or that you couldn't possibly cut off ties with someone you are related to or are friends with, but it isn't about what you think you should do, it is about what is best for you; what is best for your soul. In order to hear what I am saying you have to let go of your sense of duty and obligation and your fear and judgment around being left by someone you want to stay in your life. You will have to be brutally honest with yourself and you might have to have a "come to Jesus" moment where you give yourself a mini intervention. You may be in an abusive relationship in some way and refused to see it as such simply because you love the person, are related to them or have been acquainted for some period of time.

Know that saying how you feel about a, b or c doesn't actually label someone as bad or wrong… you are simply stating your feelings. We often refuse to say how we truly feel about a person or situation because we think that saying you don't like a person's particular behavior is saying you think ill of the person. Not the case. Those two things are separate. For example: For me, my mother is toxic. This doesn't actually mean that I am saying my mother is evil, horrible or a bad person, just that I feel happier and healthier when I have little to no interaction with her. I am stating the truth about how I feel and what my experience has been in regards to her. She says very unkind things on a regular basis and seems to get a kick out of using very aggressive language to illustrate her disdain for me, so I choose to take my leave. When something is toxic it is poisonous or harmful. People can be toxic regardless of their connection to you, you being close doesn't equal yummy treatment. People can be mean and hurtful in your opinion and you don't actually have to judge them or take it personally. You can let them be who they are without having to be with them. We forget that we don't have to force change on people, we don't have to always make someone understand us or do what we want. It isn't reasonable to always try to have others bend to your will. Sometimes relationships aren't meant to be and that is and always will be ok. We make things really complicated when we judge them; when we judge them we have a hard time letting them be what they are.

What they are is simple too. People aren't generally mean to you because they just love being mean or they desire toxicity. If someone isn't treating you well, in your opinion, they most likely are doing the same thing to themselves. If you can stop and remember that we see the world the way that we are… so if someone is unhappy, mean, cruel, abusive they most likely are in pretty bad shape spiritually and emotionally. They don't need judgment, no one does. They don't need cruelty in return and they most certainly don't need enabling. You aren't here to be abused or mistreated. Being loving isn't staying with or around someone who brings you down. Regardless of understanding why someone is being awful to you, you don't actually need to deal with it. or stay in the abusive situation or relationship. The understanding is so you can remember to be compassionate, from a distance if necessary.

Now, what if the person that is toxic is you? This is the case for at least one person that will read this. If you are your own worst connection you aren't going to be able to take your leave as you could with something that isn't you. You will have to stay and deal with your demons. We can be the biggest abusers to ourselves and not even recognize it. If you put yourself down, discourage, say mean things, or are impatient with allowing yourself to be where you are, you most likely are toxic to you… The first step in getting out of this cycle with yourself is recognizing that this is true and that you would prefer to do something different; that you would prefer to be supportive of you. When you can be your own biggest fan, the wind beneath your own wings the possibilities are endless (they are endless anyway).

Find what makes you sick, nauseated, anxious, unhappy and remove it from your world. Your thoughts and the feelings that come up around them make up the world you live in. Create a space in your life that is conducive to you living your best life, being your best self, and feeling your best. This space should be guarded like the priceless treasure it is. Let no one, not even that meanie that lives within, disrupt it. You are worth being honored and cherished every day of your life by any and everyone that wants to be a part of it. See how your life changes when you begin to accept only the best from yourself and others.

Tree Silhouette Against Starry Night Sky

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Cool Breezes on Hot Days.

My Space.  

Woo With Amy.

Push-Ups at 2am.

Finding Lost Things.

Coach Aina Body Camp - http://coachaina.com/body-camp/ 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

We take things way too seriously in my opinion.  We get so bent out of shape about the smallest things.  We stress and worry and stress and worry some more.  We think that things are supposed to be smooth and without hiccups when what we don't understand is that our definition of smooth and without hiccups is just an opinion, not a fact.  We have decided what it means for something to "go on without a problem."  Though there has never been a problem that was universally a problem.  Problems are perspectives not facts.

How would your life change if you recognized that your issues are perspectives?  Take for example relationship woes, who hasn't had those?  What if you saw the areas of difficulty as benefits.  What better environment to work on bettering yourself than with someone who wants to be with you?  When you see struggle as a partner to growth you can appreciate the times you didn't understand or know something as gifts.  If you were a teacher you wouldn't give calculus to a 6-year-old who didn't show the signs of being a math prodigy, correct?  Well, the universe isn't going to bring to you areas of development if you weren't ready to receive, make sense of and use them to move forward.

When you recognize that you are on the path you were meant to be, hiccups and all, you can let go of stressing and worrying about the way things are playing out.  You can begin to look at your life as perfectly designed for you to be all that you can be.  The work is in you taking each opportunity for what it is.  The best part is the universe never gives up on you; you will have more opportunities to figure your sh*t out, believe me.  I can't say the same for relationships, some of those will end if you choose to put off growing and developing in a timely manner (timely as defined by your partner).  So, instead of wasting time, because that is what lamentation, worry, stress, fear is, take what you need to get you to your becoming as it is handed to you every single day.

Remember, the force is always with you because you are the force.

xo

a

Totally You

Hiya, If you are going to change the world you may not always be well received. Hell, even if you are not trying to change the world, someone will take issue with you at some point. You cannot, if you plan on living longer than a few days, get through life without someone feeling some sort of way that isn't all lollipops and fairies about you. You will have to figure out how to manage triggering someone, being triggered by someone and being liked and disliked for no apparent reason. To top it all off, if you plan on truly being your authentic self you may need to practice being independent in because authenticity, if you have come to it later in life (past the age of 30) you will lose those who enjoyed you when you weren't in touch with who you truly are.

First you must realize that we are all here for a reason. You may not want to think that because it means you need to figure out your reason and this can seem daunting. Your reason can be one singular thing or it can be everything you are ever associated with. The truth of the matter is it is all of the above. Your reason is everything you come into contact with, directly or indirectly. Nothing you interact with is by chance or mistake. Think about it. Our cells do everything on purpose; every function in our body is because of something else that has come before it… at no point does a cell say that its division had no meaning. We are made up of these purposeful beings, how in he world could what we do be by chance or just because?

So, now that you understand you are here on purpose, go and be. Be fully yourself without concern that you aren't doing it right. You are doing it exactly how it is meant to be done by you. When you feel the need to change, for whatever reason, you will and it will be good; until then you may need to understand why you aren't always loved for being you, or supported for that matter… even by those you love. People are wounded, sensitive and afraid; they are also brainwashed. We live in a world where people believe that it is unpatriotic to question the government that was brought into existence to serve us; where we believe that we are separate from one another and some are better than others. When someone in this pack of wolves decides to do what resonates with them despite what the pack feels about it there will be some discomfort, to say the least.

There is no greater reward than being accepted for who you truly are; no greater struggle either. When you open yourself to not fitting in, to doing what makes sense to your soul, not your intellect, you will begin the journey that is paved with love, lifted by wings and filled with light. It is your road to yourself and, in that, the road to all of us. Let people hate, tell you that you need to change, feel insecure, defensive and downright insulted that you refuse to do what they think you should; then, keep on stepping cause you are doing something right.

authenticitydude

xo

a

I'm good, thanks.

Heyo! I am almost always doing what I want to do.  Whether it is watching TV, doing push-ups, napping in the middle of the day, writing or just doing whatever I am doing.  I think that there are a lot of things going on for most of us on many levels.  We have what we want to do, what we think is expected of us, what is expected of us, what we think we should do regardless of what is expected of us, what we think about all of it (if we think about any of it).   It is a lot to process.  Most of us do a combination of what we think others expect and what others expect.  We often squash our own wants in favor of pleasing others… then resentment comes later.

I sometimes am asked to go look at the moon.  Let me tell you something, I never want to look at the moon when someone tells me to. Usually I am at home, relaxing.  It is nighttime, usually, and I am probably happy to be home after working most of the day, if I am not still working.  I enjoy the moon when I am out and about and it catches my eye, but not enough to stop what I am doing and go outside to see something I am not that excited about.  If you like the moon enjoy it.  If you want someone to know how much you like the moon, say so, but do they need to see it?  Is it enough to just say, "Wow, the moon looks so beautiful to me tonight"; instead of saying, "You have to see the moon."  Give me a break.  I don't ever NEED to see something.  You might want to share it with me, but need is a strong word.  And besides, I really am not that interested in the moon if I am doing something else.  Just sayin.  So when someone implores me to look at the moon, or do this or that… without really seeing that I am content or fine or whatever, I usually don't do it.  I think it is very important to do what you want to.  The last thing I ever want is to resent someone because I have been doing what they want me to do when I could have just as easily not done it and been fine.

Though the moon example may seem silly to some, it is just an example of how much we feel the need to please… You may think that it is sweet that someone wants to share something with you.  If you feel that way, then do what you want to with that.  Just understand that not everyone feels the same, nor do they need to.  We all have different wants, needs, desires, expectations… we are all figuring things out.  I believe that we can be more helpful if we choose our language carefully.  If we think about what we are really saying.  If we are hearing what we are really meaning.  Sharing something with someone can be done many ways without them having to do it too.  Shit rolls downhill they say, and we learn how to make others bend to our will just as we have learned how to.  So when someone says they don't want to do whatever it is that we are hoping they do, we take offense.  What if you didn't.  What if you were absolutely understanding about someone conforming to their own will?  How would that change things?  How would you feel?  What if you started to do what you wanted….?  Does that scare you?  Do you think relationships you are in currently would suffer if you let go of expectations and started to own your desires?

Everything in your life would change.  Everything.  You decide when you want to truly become who you are; when you do, conforming won't be an option.

Hey, wanna see the moon?

full-moon

xo

a

Tell Them

Hello sweets! Trust is something that we need more of when it comes to one another.  I don't mean leaving your kids with any and everyone… I mean trusting in each other's ability to be ok with what is.  Most people aren't broken souls who cannot function when told something difficult.  We behave like everyone is one step away from suicide and telling someone something that isn't yummy will push them over the edge.  Get a grip people.  Very few (if any) people are going to crumble when told something that is true for you.  Often it is the lies, keeping secrets and being indirect that cause more harm than good for everyone involved.  Letting someone know what is actually happening for you can be a big relief for them, especially when you understand, and communicate, that your feelings and perceptions are just that, yours.  When blame ends and truth begins, life is a lot less burdensome.

Women have this tendency more than men, I believe… and maybe I am just biased because I am a woman, but women like to be nice when really I believe they are just trying to please everyone and deny themselves (not consciously).  It is a deep lack of self-worth that women are taught to have which translates into behaving in ways that aren't authentic.  For many women, and men, it isn't enough to exist, you have to please and nurture and appease.  I understand the desire to want to be loved by all… I also understand that it isn't possible.  When you need to tell someone something, especially a boundary, you need to just say it.  Boundaries need to be communicated.  Loving yourself means making sure you are safe, taken care of, heard, treated well.  Bending over backwards, lying, not communicating your truth… there is NOTHING loving about that.  Not saying what you mean is deceitful actually, not kind.  When you give someone the respect and responsibility of being a grown-up you are actually being loving.  You are saying that you trust that they will be able to handle and hold this information.  You trust that they are capable and your equal.

Focus on Communication

When we, when receiving news that isn't what we would prefer to hear, manipulate (even if you don't realize you are, you are) one another by saying that the person speaking their truth is being mean, or hurting us we are actually regressing.  Stop blaming someone's words for your feelings.  Your feelings originate with your ideas of yourself and the world.  Stop trying to get someone to stop speaking their truth and stop taking the feelings of another personally.  Just because it is hard to hear doesn't make it 1) true or 2) have anything really to do with you.  What it does mean is that you have a chance to hear and honor what is happening for someone else.  You have a chance to respect a boundary, move on, learn, grow, etc.  I call listening and holding space for someone a "free throw."  It is a chance to be told exactly what to do to bring a smile to someone's face.  If what you want is to love, then respect is number one.

So just to be clear:  when someone likes you and you don't like them tell them… clearly.  If you say that you really like them and you like hanging out that isn't CLEAR.  Say directly that I don't like you romantically, sexually, intimately.  Period.  Be sure they get it.  If your Doctor sucks, tell them why you are choosing another physician; this gives them a chance to grow, change, or just know why they are losing patients.  Give each other a chance to grow by being grown yourself.

All of the above is said with love :-)

xo

a

You Never Know

HI there, I grew up in Cleveland, OH on the westside in Riverside Projects.  Now, I don't know why it was called riverside because the only thing we were next to was an airport.  Ok, not directly next to it, but planes would come so low overhead that I felt like I was going to be hit by one.  I became so scared of a plane missing its landing and hitting our house that I started freaking out about death in general.  I remember that I was more afraid of the plane hitting the house when I was in situations that I thought would be compromising.  I really never wanted to be found on the toilet, dead, so I would get nervous when I went to the loo.  That fear passed and would come back here and there.  We lived at Riverside for 13 years.

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When we finally moved out of Cleveland and out of the projects we went to North Carolina.  We had high hopes to live in the house my mother was raised in, restore it, and live a life farming, loving each other and living dreams we hadn't dared to dream yet.  When we arrived we were greeted with an unwelcoming committee (my mother's uncle who, like a lot of her family have a chip and are simply an unhappy lot).  We moved into the projects of Dunn, NC and it started again; save for this time we were in 102 degree heat in the middle of a little town that wasn't at all familiar to me.  I struggled through depression for years in NC.  It was some of the darkest days (until my early 20's) that I had experienced.

During the time I spent in the projects, which was up until I was 14 basically, no one ever asked me if I was going to college or truly cared about what I would do with my life.  It was assumed that life was pretty much decided for me… I would probably have babies early and repeat a cycle that I was actually not a part of, but believed to be because everyone is a fuck up in the projects living off of welfare, right?  Well, my mother had me when she was 31 and grew up middle-class.  She didn't finish college but she is off the charts IQ-wise and had a strong sense of self-worth.  She had/has shitty taste in men (yep, my father is great in ways and not in others) and ended up raising her babies alone.  It is not an easy thing, being a single parent, and so she lived where she could afford and did what she needed.  I am glad because I am a badass because of it.

You never know what someone has gone through to get to where they are.  You never know the journey it takes to live the life someone is living.  We assume so many things about each other and never stop to ask questions, to be curious.  I went to college and have traveled the world, I am able to relate to any and everyone because I am everyone.  I see myself in the person on the street begging, the woman about to get her child that is crying after waking up from a nap, and the President of a Fortune 500 company.  I know that the idea of separateness that we hold so dear and we believe keeps ups so safe actually does more harm than anything else.  And, at the same time, without all of the rejection, discrimination and classism I have experienced I wouldn't be the compassionate soul that I am today.

Before you decide that you know something about someone you have never met or someone who you have; before you look at statistics instead of individual people; before you write someone off because they aren't familiar to you; before you get all f*cking judgmental think about me or someone else you know that defied odds, ignored statistics, who wouldn't quit.  Maybe your kindness, your inspiration is just what they need to move forward.  Then again, maybe your being an ass is what they need to move forward too.  Either way, evolution, development and growth are happening for all of us at different rates in different ways.  You don't have to be open to the variety of ways there are to get somewhere but life sure is more exciting when you do.

For my part, I am going to inspire.  It is more fun.  What are you going to do?

xo

a

No Know

Hello, What is it in us humans that makes it easier to believe that we know it all instead of understanding that we know so little that to use the word know is actually humorous?  Knowing belies the fact that we are actually just gathering from our experience.  As our experiences increase our knowing shifts.  So how is it that we know anything and why is it important that we do?  Maybe it is just semantics, but words are important.  The first meaning of know is to be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information.  The second is to have knowledge or information concerning.  The last definition and the one that most people use when they are using the word know; to be absolutely certain or sure about something.  This last definition is what most people are thinking when they use the word know.  Absolute certainty is something that just isn't absolute.  We have all been sure about a lover, a job, a choice only to have time show us otherwise.  Knowing isn't all it is cracked up to be.

We get a sense of security when we can say that we know.  Knowledge feeds our egos and helps us believe that we are somehow in control and dominate our surroundings.  When we feel absolutely sure about something we get this feeling of comfort and familiarity.  It feels good to know.  Our response to what we don't know, or the unknown, tells you how scary it is to go farther than we have.  When you open yourself up to not knowing it is possible to discover that knowledge is less important than curiosity.  You might discover that knowledge is actually a trick to stop magic from happening.  Our dogged desire to understand, to predict, to control keeps us from seeing the fairies, spirits and different dimensions that exist.  Because we feel that it is necessary to be absolutely certain about things in order for them to be true we lose so much experiential information.  Is it true that you love your cat or dog.  Can you be absolutely certain about it; can anyone else?  Knowledge is a distraction, a hurdle, something to get over having to feel.

knowing-gods-will

What if you looked at the world with curiosity?  What if instead of knowing you observed patterns, you had ideas, you didn't know?  What if you recognized that knowledge is always and forever changing, therefore absolutes weren't possible.  What if you stepped out of your comfort zone; how would you experience the world then?  Knowledge is a limitation.  Being open to not knowing is an invitation.  We couldn't possibly, with our limited senses, know anything for certain.  We can't even see in the dark, let alone things we don't know exist.  Everyday you learn something new, something that prior to that moment you didn't know.  If knowing was a relationship we would all be polyamorous, we change our knowing so often.

Accept the invitation to trust that we are always learning, exploring and expanding.  Trust that you don't need to know for sure to believe that all is possible.  Try it, see what comes.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good Morning!!! Tuesday Gratitude Practice is here!!!  How will you take what you are grateful for through the rest of your day?  This isn't just about writing it down and sending it back…  put it out there!  Let the world feel your appreciation!  Let's make a difference.    

This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Growing Up.

Being My Own Priority.

Rock Documentaries.

YouTube.

Coach Aina Body Camp - http://coachaina.com/body-camp/ 

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought: 

I want everyone to take care of themselves, in that way I will be more than supported.  Not that I want everyone to live on an island without contact.  On the contrary, I want lots of contact.  I would simply prefer to have everyone feel whole on their own and at the same time understand the fact that separation is an illusion.  We are more connected than most of understand and our believing the illusion of separateness is the cause of most of our issues.  Our feelings of loneliness are directly related to our trying to connect to what we are not actually separate from.  It is like we are constantly trying to find our sunglasses by looking all over the house and the car when they were on our head all along.  

When we all take care of ourselves we notice that the glasses were on us the whole time.  We become aware of our connection to others through our awareness of our connection to ourselves.  It is like finally seeing for the first time or hearing or smelling or breathing.  We begin to notice that we are all a reflection or an aspect of the whole.  All uniquely separate in the illusion but in actuality just different viewpoints of life.  When we believe that we aren't connected we behave less than ideal because oneness or wholeness is what we long for.  We don't understand that we don't have to hold onto each other for dear life, stay in a shitty relationship, keep a crappy job, deal with less than yummy friends.  We believe that we need to hold on and never let go lest we be alone.  You are never alone.  You are always connected.  

If you could take time to be with you, learn and be curious about yourself; be honest about your motivations and expectations and then see how you are like me or your neighbor or the person on the corner.  Stop believing you aren't everyone else and that you couldn't relate to someone just because they aren't behaving the way you would prefer.  We are so duped that we don't understand that we are examples, inspiration and motivation for one another.  If you look out from your eyes with the idea that you are seeing yourself in various iterations you won't feel so alone; you won't buy into the trick of this human experience; you won't need to stay where it isn't serving you, do what doesn't resonate and live with such uneasiness.  

When you get the hang of truly taking care of you and begin to feel connected you will feel the love that abounds.  When you feel the love that abounds you will vibrate at a level that is magical.  You will shine, you'll glisten; your energy will take on a high gloss.  You will be full and overflowing.  Self-care is universal care and the big secret to changing everything.

My love is you. 

xo

a

Be Honest

Hey there, When was the last time you asked yourself the tough questions?  When was the last time you asked yourself what you would change if there were no yucky repercussions?  Have you ever asked yourself a question like that?  So many people are so afraid of truth that they won't even let it into their own heads.  As soon as something that doesn't fit within their idea of what they should do, feel, think or say pops up they push it down.  When your own truth is too scary to acknowledge consciously it begins to find its way to the surface unconsciously.  You will have to deal with your feelings, your actual thoughts and wishes one way or another.  

The truth is you cannot get away from what you really want, think or feel.  You will have to address it at some point.  The resistance of it ensures that it will grow stronger until you have nothing but that thing you have been trying to deny.  It is not a mind over matter situation when it comes to denial.  Even the reasons we give for never wanting to admit to what we are thinking, feeling, desiring.  Relationships could change (will change), lifestyles might have to shift, you may have to get used to letting go of what you once thought made you, you.  Finally owning up to what is actually happening for you holds a lot of weight and some of that may be frightening.  Let me assure you that only great things truly come from owning and accepting all of who you are, even the parts of you you still choose not to share.  

There is nothing like being able to answer the tough questions without running from them.  In order to live the life of your dreams you will have to admit what your dreams truly are.  You may have to admit that your life, as it is, is not what you would truly pick for yourself anymore.  Owning this fact doesn't mean you have made any mistakes, it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong.  Knowing what you really want, feel and think allows you to align your life up so that you are truly happy.  When you no longer have to deny what you feel inside you can get busy living your fullest most authentic life.  When you are honest with yourself you can be honest with others.  When you are honest about who you are, what you want and where you are going you will have a much easier time being who you are, getting what you want and getting to where you are going.  Life is what you make it… so make it what you really would like it to be.  

acceptance

xo

a

These 3 Things

Heyo! I have been told that I say things that no one else would say.  Well I am here to help to teach you how to be loving and direct.  Stop wasting everyone's time beating around the bush.  Say what you need to say and move the hell on.  The areas I will touch on are 1) other people's opinions of you; 2) other people's concerns about what you are doing in your life; and 3) your opinion of yourself.  I stress that these things take practice and you will have plenty, believe me.  You will get many opportunities to be lovingly direct because people tend to be kind of annoying.  Sorry peeps, it is true.  I love you but you need to learn to let others be who they are and deal with your own shizznit.  

Ok, when someone says something to you about how you are living your life, such as, "I wouldn't do that."  Tell them, "Then don't."  They will quickly get the message that they need to keep on keeping on with their mouths a tightly closed.  When someone comments on how you are changing your diet or exercise habits… ok, I have to get into this a bit before I continue.  People, if you are overweight, eating poorly and feeling shitty leave the ones who are getting it done alone.  If you are taking care of yourself and you think your way is the only way, you are wrong.  Let people do what makes sense to them and let them ask for help before you offer up your sage advice.  Ok, now, to give you some tools to respond when you are being told that you aren't doing your health and well-being correctly, a great response would be, "thank you for giving me information I didn't ask for."  Or, if that is way too blunt for you, "I would prefer it if you didn't comment on my very personal journey around health and wellness unless you are saying supportive things, thank you."    People you must set boundaries, you will be healthier and happier for it.  The friends, acquaintances and others you interact with will also get a great lesson in respect.  We all could do well to pay more attention to what is happening in our own lives instead of meddling in others.

Now onto dealing with people being worried about you.  In all honesty they aren't worried about you.  They are worried about themselves and projecting all over you.  This is the deal, if you are asking for help then I understand if someone is giving it to you, if you aren't then you aren't.  Now, you may let some of your loved ones know to hold you accountable or call you out.  Still permission must be given before you can step in or respect someone stepping in.  I understand that these boundaries get blurry and can disappear altogether when drugs and or children are involved.  Still understand that there needs to be a respecting of boundaries regardless.

I own my actions completely.  If I did it I did it.  If I am in it I am in it.  I am also ok with whatever it is that I am doing, even if it seems like I am miserable, frustrated, upset or what-have-you.  I know that I am supposed to be exactly where I am.  I don't need anyone's concern.  Love, yes.  Support, yes.  Concern (by concern I mean thinking negatively around me or a situation I am in, not 'caring' about me... that is compassion and is always ok) and worry?  No.  Never.  I am unbelievably optimistic and know that I will make the best decisions for me at all times.  At no point am I regretting, fretting or feeling like I am confused.  So if you happen to be feeling any of those things in regards to me, keep it to yourself.  Just a little heads up.  I don't want to know.

Moving on…  The only thing that actually matters is how you feel about you.  No joke.  Everyone else will follow your lead.  Do you like you?  Others will like you.  Are you working hard to be kind to yourself?  Other people will be kind to you.  Do you take your truth seriously, do you look into yourself to find out how you really feel, what you really want?  You will be supported if you take deep consideration of yourself.  When you put energy into yourself it comes back to you tenfold.  When you respect your truth your truth is respected.  When you set boundaries you are saying you give a f*ck about yourself, that you are worthy.  You are worthy.  You are worth everything and all things.  You are born worthy and at some point I hope you recognize your worth.  Start by communicating your needs, wants and desires.  Telling others to step back and focus on themselves and let you alone.  You are your own work and you are doing a fine job… getting better everyday.

self-esteem

xo

a

You Hurt You. Stop.

Hello lovely, How long would you tolerate a relationship where you were told that you weren't living up to the expectations of your partner.  What if you worked hard to make progress to attempt to appease your partner and they still found fault with you and refused to validate the work you had done thus far?  What if you told your friends what your partner said to you.  That they called you fat, lazy, unorganized, stupid and other such things?  What would they advise you to do?  If your friend came to you with this information, how would you advise them?

self_harm2

Emotional abuse is far more damaging overall than physical and most of us are guilty of perpetrating it.  Usually we have the where-with-all to keep it a secret and only do it in our safest most private places… in our own hearts and minds.  We cut ourselves down so swiftly most of us don't even recognize that it is being done but it is.  We are victims to ourselves.  No matter where we go there we are.  Looking in the mirror, eating dinner or a snack, walking to and fro, doing the work you have chosen, you are there putting yourself down when the chance arises.  We fill ourselves full of doubt, we imagine the worst.  We believe we don't deserve all the great things and when they come along we often have a hard time accepting them.  We may feel ok to have what "makes sense" for the work we have put in, but any more than that and we upper limit ourselves and create reasons for not being able to push past certain points in various areas of our lives.  

Do you need to break up with you or do you have a chance to be rehabilitated?  You would advise your friend to leave the lover who was abusive, emotionally or otherwise… so I am advising you to do something similar.  Treat that side of yourself as you would someone who is unbelievably insecure and lashes out regularly.  That part of you is like a person drowning looking for anything close to push down on in order to get above the surface.  You are going to have to be disciplined and diligent when it comes to either cutting off the nasty comments or reframing them and reprogramming the responses of your own personal bully.  When you are able to do this the world will open up in ways you never realized it would.  When you are supportive to yourself you can breathe, you are lighter.  

How would anyone fare being abused daily?  Ok, now look at your life and the areas you would like to be improved, would support help in this area?  Would some positive reinforcement be a motivating force?  I believe so.  Try it, what do you have to lose except that abusive bully that lives inside you.  Your higher self is waiting.

xo

a

How Are You Doing?

Hello there, Have you ever had a friend who was going through something potentially devastating?  How did you connect with them?  Did you connect with them?  What were the first words that came out of your mouth or were texted from your fingers?  So often we immediately respond with sounds and words of lamentation.  We say we are sorry, we take on what we feel the appropriate response to whatever the situation is that we are being told about.  Other times we communicate what we believe we would feel if we were going through what our friend/loved one was experiencing.  Psychologists say that this show of empathy is supportive.  I agree that empathy is important, indeed.  My concern is for the person going through whatever the fuss is about.  How do they actually feel?  What if they feel differently than the societal norm?  What if they aren't sad, angry, confused?  What if they were ok with the situation or felt a great sense of peace.  If they go against what others would believe appropriate they not only have to deal with their own judgment of their response but the judgment of someone else who has presupposed a certain reaction.  

I tend to be someone who doesn't react to things the way that society would suggest is normal.  I know that everything happens for a reason.  I rarely lament my situation or experiences.  I am never a victim and I feel like I can change my world by changing my view.  When I am faced with news or a situation that would be perceived as challenging I usually move through it quickly.  Even when I am crying or angry or quiet and sullen I am choosing those feelings in order to absorb the importance of the experience as well as allow the emotions to run their course and not block them.  I feel deeply and quickly move on.   Most of my close family and friends understand that I am overall consistently content.  Others just don't get how I am able to see the shining light in every seemingly dark night.  Well, first you have to look for it.

I prefer to be asked how I am feeling about a certain situation before anyone decides to feel any which way about it.  After all, whatever has happened hasn't happened to you, right?  Why take it on before you know how I or whomever, is handling it?  What if someone finally broke up with their boyfriend after years of being done?  What if they never told anyone that they were ecstatic at the prospect of being away from a toxic environment?  You wouldn't know these things without asking how they were feeling about the breakup.  Asking how someone is doing before deciding that the situation is awful is a good rule of thumb.  The question demonstrates that the focus is on the person going through the drama.  The answer to the question is a great guide on how this person needs to be supported.  If they tell you that they have never felt better you are now off the hook for feeling bad… you can rejoice with them.  If they are feeling down and out you can help lift them up…

We project our feelings onto one another all of the time.  Rarely do we give each other the opportunity to own their own responses to life's ups and downs.  Try asking how someone is taking a life event before deciding to place your own personality and ideal response on it.  You just may be surprised and they just might get supported.

xo

a

openness

Go Get It

Hidee Ho! If you want something you will need to go after it, it is not going to come after you.  Whether it is juggling, running, eating well, finding a lover that meets your requirements, dancing, listening, writing, cooking, loving, exercising, or anything else, you will have to actually do something towards it in order to see any improvement in it.  It really is that simple.  We make things so complicated when they really are not.  I know that there may be years and years of layers of perceived failure or habits that support all that you would like to rid yourself of.  There may be a life that you live now that would have to change dramatically if you were to begin to do what your heart truly longs to do.  I know that we get so addicted to the familiar, to our misery that changing it, even to gain all the joy in the world, seems daunting and less appealing than staying put.  Truth is, you are going to need to do something at some point whether you go willingly or kicking and screaming, whether you initiate the change or the change initiates you.  Change is coming.

You will have to work, sometimes really hard at whatever it is that you have asked to have in your life.  You may need to do things that aren't fun, that scare you, that are downright challenging; and you will need to do these things repeatedly.  At some point you will have to write over what was the norm for years and years and years.  The thing is, once you begin taking steps towards what things you really want in your life, you will find the world bending to help you reach your goals.  You will find support in ways you never dreamed, when you are serious about changing your life.  What was there all along but ignored, due to lack of desire, willingness or simply being asleep will become opportunities.  You will be given choices to keep moving forward toward what you desire or to stay in the same place that you are familiar and comfortable in.  You might find that as soon as you make a choice to go after your dream or shift something to finally reach a goal an opportunity to leave things as is becomes sweeter.  This is only a test.  Testing you to either stay put or truly go after what you say you wanted.  You always have choices… you are never stuck.  Will you buy in to what you want or play it safe?

Now, when you ask for it, it will come.  I am giving you fair warning.  When you want something to happen for you it will… it is up to you to say yes to it however.  Just because you ask for the universe to bring to you something you want, you still have to show up to receive it and then take it with you and use it.  Just because you have lost a bunch of weight, gotten the job of your dreams, become a juggler with a small but fantastic circus doesn't mean that you won't have to put into it what you did before you made it to this point.  Until your new choices are just your ways of being you will have to work, focus, intend, and believe every day, every moment that it is not only possible but it just is.  Until your new habits become as normal as the life you had before you will need to put energy into them.  You will need to be purposeful and deliberate and dedicated to yourself, your goals and your dreams.  It took you a lifetime to be solidly miserable in certain ways, or unhealthy or unlearned in the things you want to know… give it a while before what you want becomes what you are.  

Let there be fear, trepidation, lack of motivation and do it anyway.  Let there be concern, worry and consternation and keep moving forward.  Let there be change and wonder around it, let there be the curiosity of the unknown.  Let there be a humbling, an understanding that everything must change.  Breathe, open your eyes and keep moving.  Your work will pay off, your life will improve, your change will come.

xo

a

metamorphosis

Go Get It

Holla! What are you willing to do to get what you want?  Seriously?  Are you ready to stop making excuses and actually accomplish what you want to?  So many things start with the reasons why you cannot.  What if you shifted your focus on the reasons you could do something.  What is it you want to accomplish?  What dreams do you have?  We have a million reasons why we don't do what we are truly hankering to do.  

Some of the reasons/excuses are: 

Not enough time, not enough money, not enough support, don't know where to start, too busy, not good at what you want to do, family or friends think it is stupid, too many people doing it already, desire to have a certain outcome, afraid of seeming selfish, you don't know what you want and many more.  This list is in no way a complete one.  There are many, many more excuses that I am sure you can come up with.  Regardless of the nature of the reason/excuse there are no ones that actually can hold a candle to the truth.  The truth is, of course there is no reason you cannot succeed at your dreams.  You are absolutely capable of doing whatever you set your mind to and are willing to work for.  The issue is with your excuses and your actual desire to be somewhere you aren't yet.

When you want something bad enough you won't stop to get it.  When you want your dreams as much as you want food to eat when you are starving, warmth when you are freezing, air when you cannot breathe, or love when you are desperate and lonely, you will stop at nothing make them a reality.  You won't worry about whether you got enough sleep or if someone thinks you are selfish for pursuing your dreams.  You will stop saying you don't have enough time and will use the time you used to use making excuses to get closer to realizing your dreams.  When you are done with the reasons you cannot you will only have the reasons you can…When you want something else more than what you have in this moment, you are well on your way.

I have always wanted to write consistently.  When I graduated from college I promised myself that I would write regularly.  It took me over a decade and a half to make that happen, but it happened when I was done with not having that dream be a part of my life.  It doesn't matter if I want to get sleep, I want to write more.  It doesn't matter if I am missing seeing my friends, I have a dream that needs my attention and I will give it that until it grows into what I know it can be.  Nothing and no one will get in the way of my bringing my dreams into this world.  There is no reason good enough to stop me from being happy.  No excuse valid enough for me to abandon what I truly want for myself.  My dreams are not about pleasing or making others comfortable.  It is about me doing what I want and loving it.  That is pure love, that is happiness. 

So, what did you say you wanted?

world fingers

xo

a

Imagine

Hey sweets, imagine 2

Quick answer these questions:  How would you describe yourself?  What are the most awesome things about you?  What do you bring to a situation that you enter into (take your pick on the situation)?  If you are stumbling over answering any of these questions, or would prefer not to, we have some work to do.  I am going to make a wild guess (honestly not at all wild, but you got my sarcasm I am sure) that you could answer these questions without hesitation:  What are the things you need to fix or work on about yourself?  What are your least yummy qualities?  What would you change about you if you had 3 wishes?  

It is interesting how we can find the issues with ourselves way quicker than we can find what is fantastic and amazeballs.  I have a hard time finding my areas of concern… mainly because I really enjoy all of me.  Imagine what that feels like, to enjoy who you are.  You wake up in the morning and you remember you are who you are and you smile.  You are excited because you get to be this person all day.  She is fun, funny, exuberant, energetic, healthy, active, loving and curious.  She expects the best and most days gets it.  She knows that anything is possible, that everything happens for a reason and that nothing is permanent.  She is on her way and the way is the point.  Imagine embodying that plus other delicious feelings, ideas, theories, etc.  How hard would it be to worry, fear, dread, and lament?  Pretty damn hard… and pretty damn useless.  

First, find out what your light (you are light so find out more about yours) does when it enters a room.  Does it get brighter, dimmer, is it turned off or is it shining on everything like the sun or the moon.  Discover what people enjoy about you and see if it is the same thing or things you enjoy about you.  Find out who you are when you are at your best… whatever you consider your best to be.  Spend time asking yourself questions like you are actually interested in finding out the answer.  Treat yourself like a beautiful stranger you would love to spend the rest of your life with.  Have fun with you, learning you, catering to you and your every need.  Then wake up to the you you would want to be… every day work to be all of the things you know about you that you love.  Honestly, it isn't hard, you just need to be intentional about it.  You cannot expect to get to the place where each morning you fall in love all over again with yourself if you are not willing to wake up and do whatever it is that is necessary to enjoy, cherish and appreciate all of you.  

We are very, very special and deserve to be focused on completely.  You aren't ever going to get the kind of love you can give from anyone else. Why are you withholding?  Why are you hesitant to let it pour out of you into you and out again?  We need everyone feeling special and great and loving unconditionally.  Imagine if the world had all the love we are holding onto like there was no more to go around?  Imagine if you took absolute wonderful care of you?  What would that look like, how would that feel… how free would we all be?

Imagine.

xo

a