Being Open

You Know

Hello! There is a voice inside of all of us… a knowing that we either are aware of and ignore or listen to… or it is so muffled we have a hard time believing that it exists at all.  Our lives are filled with rules.  Societal and personal, moral and random.  We have stuffed our own free will and instinct in a box and have allowed what goes on outside to lead the way for us.  We have spent so much time taking direction from outside, being told what is or isn't true.  If we were tapped into our knowing as a child we were quickly pushed out of it.  If we saw something that the grown-ups didn't see then it didn't exist.  We knew that fairies were in the back yard and for a while the adults may have humored us, but at some point we were told to grow up.  In this society growing up means ignoring what happens internally in order to fit into the external world in a way that isn't distracting, creative, disruptive, abnormal, extraordinary or outside of the box.  The idea of believing something that hasn't been proven by some guys in white coats means you are weird, or different or "woo woo."   By the way, those guys in the white coats don't know shit usually (or anymore than anyone else)… it's true.  They are usually taking direction.

How is anything understood?  How do we recognize the world?  Who says one person sees it better than another or can understand it more?  We may not see it in the same way but it doesn't mean that we don't see it, or understand it.  When we let go of a right or wrong, should or shouldn't, yes or no and allow all things to be we are better able to see.  When we let go of the hierarchy or who has the connection to the source of all, who is tapped into the universe and who isn't we find our own direct line.  When we decide that we know, we know.  When we practice trusting ourselves we take all of the life that we have as purposeful and personal.  When we stop comparing our footsteps on the path with others, we are better able to see the road signs and the flowers and the scenery along the way on our own journey.  When we stop forcing our attention and begin paying attention our voice has more of a chance to speak up and be heard.

The journey to knowing is different for everyone, however, discipline is indeed called upon in just about every case.  Discipline over your thoughts, allowing what you want to hold truth as being and being diligent about nothing else permeating, for a period of time.  When a thought that takes you away from your goal (knowing) comes up, having a way to pull yourself out of going into that thought and back into your knowing is necessary.  For example, when a thought comes up for me that isn't my truth (that I am where I am supposed to be) I begin to sing.  I don't have time to allow thoughts in that undermine my knowing.  In my quiet moments, in the moments where the only focus is on me by myself, nothing is "wrong" or out of balance.  So if I perceive things being out of balance I can quickly balance them by thinking differently.  Those thoughts and those feelings around those thoughts change what I see and experience internally and externally.

So, start with you.  Your thoughts.  Your knowing is there, waiting for you to turn the volume up and listen to it speak… teach… love.

xo

a

The Age of Attraction

What is happening? I was recently discussing sexuality, which I think isn't discussed enough, with some friends.  We were talking about vaginas and the power of owning your sexuality.  The discussion led to the fact that shame is prevalent whether we admit it or not, in relation to sex and sexual expression.  There are so many rules, roles, assumptions that it is difficult to know what we actually want.  Admitting what we like, where we are in our sexuality and what we think about it is something that is shunned aggressively.  We are, after all, a society that will fine someone for flashing a nipple (at the same time we cover our children's eyes from seeing the .00005 seconds that it was shown) but watch news footage about 26 people, many of them children, being gunned down.

Like the universe works, I perused Facebook where a friend posted an article about a 6-year-old being in love with a character from Glee.  Sexuality seemed to be in the air tonight.  The 6-year-old is a boy and the character on Glee is a boy.  The article goes on to discuss how the mother and father love their son and have no problem if he is gay or isn't.  I think that it is great that parents will love their son even if he is gay, I just look forward to the day we don't have to announce that parents will love their kids even if they are gay.

So, after reading this I then scrolled down to the comments and stopped at one that touched on several things in regards to the article.  First they were not pleased with a 6-year-old watching Glee, then with the idea that a 6-year-old was obsessed about anything especially liking someone.  Third that, even at 11, that would be too young to have attraction.  Ok, I had to breathe after reading this, and after having had the conversation about shame that had happened earlier in the evening.  I know that attraction is as natural as breathing.  If you are a part of a family you (hopefully) see love, coupledom, partnership.  Children mimic adults.  It is how they learn to talk, walk, think, behave, love.  How in the world are they too young to be attracted?  I liked boys and girls for as long as I can remember and I certainly had attractions to all manner of things before the age of 6.  I liked certain colors, foods, music, and people.  The idea that attraction has an age is a funny, funny thing.  Babies are attracted to certain colors and sounds.  We are attracted to love and repelled by hate.  When we see something that resonates with us we are drawn to it.  This is being human.  The idea that we would want to discourage this natural way in others due to them being younger than we think they should be to have the feelings that they actually are having is ridiculous (yes, I am totally judging).

As a parent you may be nervous, because of your own hangups and judgments, around the truth of your child being inherently sexual.  I mean, the damn person was made while you were having sex.  How in the hell can we not be SEXUAL.  What is the problem people???  Let's take our heads out of our asses and start discussing sex, sexuality, love, desire, attraction in a way that doesn't make it shameful, scary, wrong, or inappropriate.

Here is a story that I love to share:  My sister is a massage therapist.  Her son, Miles, used to love to be massaged and loved to give massages, and he was very good at it as well.  There is nothing better than little hands on your shoulders massaging away your worries.  So sweet.  Anyway, during a massage she was giving him he asked if she could massage his penis.  Instead of getting all weird (which I think many of us would) she told him that she wouldn't because that was his to massage.  She let him know that he could massage it in private and that no one else was allowed to until he really wanted them to.  Or some such lovely message like that (I am sure my sister would correct the verbiage).  Either way, the message was clear:  She didn't make him feel that what he asked for was wrong, bad, inappropriate.  She used that moment to let him know the boundaries of his body.

Let's stop being craycray and start empowering one another in love.  Can we do this please???

xo

a

Smoke Filled Holiday

Happy Wintertime! We are almost to the New Year with Kwanzaa upon us, Christmas and Chanukah are behind us and family either still around or long gone.  Either way I am sure you have new stories and memories to savor.  It is a special time of year that seems to emphasize everything in your life for better or for worse.  People get ecstatic and people get depressed, families come together and are, sometimes, pulled apart.  Holidays can take their toll or leave us wanting more.

I don't celebrate the holidays very much, as I am not religious, but I do enjoy cooking, so I use the holidays as an excuse to become the culinary genius that I think I am.  Cooking also reminds me of growing up with my sister and mother, cooking amazing feasts for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and eating myself silly.  So there is certainly nostalgia behind my desire to cook.  Because I am vegan and I rarely use my oven, I had decided that it could be a storage facility.  I should back up… I have three little furry creatures running around my home.  Two cats and one dog.  Well, while vacationing on Maui a friend was watching the furries.  She came home to find all of the treats and cat goodies, once on the fridge, on the ground with the little dog's head stuck in the salmon treat bag.  The puppy was desperately trying to walk backwards to get the bag off of her head.  Upon my return I needed to figure out another place to put the essential animal crap.  Eureka!  The oven sounded like a great idea.

Well, I make candied yams during the holidays, and they need to be baked.  I never pre-heat the oven except for this one time, on Christmas day 2012.  Needless to say I need to get another container of catnip, more salmon treats and other goodies for the animals because I almost set the house on fire.  In my panic I didn't realize I was inhaling the smoke of burning plastic, which I do not recommend.  And a day and a half later I am finally feeling better.  Currently I am looking for another place to hide furry treats.

I did manage to make my yams (I let the oven clean itself) and have a nice holiday dinner.  However, I believe I won't be using the oven for anything except baking twice a year.  I learned more than just to not use my oven to store randomness.  Being forgetful in this situation was actually a good thing.  I was completely relaxed on the holiday.  Not over-thinking, not trying to get things done in a hurry, rushing kind of way.  I spend a lot of time on the go, so me taking the time to pre-heat was totally a sign that I am allowing things to take their time. Once I cleared the house of smoke I relaxed and watched a movie.  Life is full of excitement, some we want, some we don't.  I say roll with it… accept what is and move toward what you want.

Did your holiday test your calm?  Did you find yourself discombobulated or trying to be more on your game?  Do you use the holiday time to relax and let go?

Happy Holidays!

xo

a

It's Right, It's Wrong

Howdy!!! I recently told someone that I am never wrong.  I meant this and still do.  I also believe the same for others.  Wrong implies that there is a 'right' and that this 'right' is unshakeable, truth, reality, fact.  The only truth is that right and wrong are opinions…  and you know that opinions are like assholes… everyone has one.  So if everyone has an opinion and opinions determine right and wrong (or religion which is the same damn thing) then I would wager that right and wrong are more about control and less about love.  I believe that right and wrong exist to make insecurities less insecure.

I may do something that you don't like or appreciate.  I may do or say something that annoys or offends you.  You may decide that I am annoying or offensive.  To that I say, you forgot to put "to me" at the end of your sentence so it would read accurately, "You are offensive (or annoying) to me."  To which I would say, "ok."  I am not bothered by the opinion of others, that often, because I don't consider others' opinions my truth.  My truth lives within me and motivates me to do what I feel makes sense for the world that I live in.  We may find that vibrationally we relate to many others and then there are some that you just won't relate to, depending on where they are evolutionarily/vibrationally.  Just because it doesn't make sense to me doesn't mean that it is right or wrong universally… it may be not what works for the world I am creating daily, it may undermine my vision of joy and peace on earth, but that doesn't make it right or wrong in general.  I have not seen (or remembered) enough of what the universe has planned in order to know what the 'big picture' is.  So, I humbly move within the space I understand, and that is a place of love and acceptance that all that exists is meant to.

Once we stop the blame game, the judgement game, the less than or more than game, we may begin to play well with others.  Once we stop deciding that we know all there is to know and become curios about how another sees the world, we might begin to grow.  Once we stop creating a world where there is one side or the other we might get to see the vast array of all that there is and all that there will be.  Until then you will see things as right and wrong and so they shall be.

xo

a

Our Responsibility

Hello, We are responsible for each other in a way that may not seem obvious.  I don't mean as mother and child, husband and wife, brother and sister.  I don't mean in the way of volunteering by handing out food and clothing to the disenfranchised.  I don't mean by taking care of an elderly neighbor's lawn in the summertime or helping someone across the street.  All of these things are wonderful and natural ways we show love to one another but there is a responsibility that I feel we have failed miserably in meeting.  We don't allow others to be who they are.  We don't give people the space to become who they are and support needed to blossom into their ideal selves.

What we do is quickly give humans the rules to what is right and what is wrong.  Humans get bullied from very early on.  Before we ever find out what someone wants we tell them what is and isn't ok to want.  We set up a system (in every culture) that is  based on things we were told, that were based on things that the ones who told us were told, etc. without giving that much thought to whether or not most people are ok with the system or whether the system actually works.  When someone doesn't fit into the structure that was set up before they existed they are either crazy, evil, an abomination, wrong or a misfit.  There isn't a lot of room to be accepted when you don't fit the norm in most societies.  When we create right we create wrong.  You cannot say something is good without deciding that there are things that are bad.  When you create an extreme you create it's opposite; is this what being responsible for one another means?  To determine who is bad and who is good.  What do we base it on?  What the majority are doing or not doing (that they will admit to)?  What some religious document says?  What happens to those who are wrong in our society?  What happens to the misfits?

I truly believe that we are responsible for those who feel left out, bullied by a society that never gave them a chance;  told that they were wrong for feeling, thinking, saying something that went against what society has determined as ok to say, think or feel.  When we set up a system that automatically rules out certain types of people as worthy in a systematic way (the way that we do in this country) we have neglected our responsibility to love each other as ourselves because we are connected.  We have forgotten that we cannot exist separate from one another.  We are all necessary and important and responsible for each other in a deep way that never touches on aiding with groceries to someone's car… though that is important and it does matter.  However, we are responsible to each other in the way to not cause harm, to not destroy, to not judge.  When we decide that someone is less than we tear a part of them away.  We build up rage that at some point will have to come out.  We create dangerous situations and hazardous environments when we push others down for being who they are.

I believe we need to allow what is.  We need to allow everyone to communicate who they feel they are, what their desires are and how they see the world.  We need to learn boundaries at a young age so we can become aware of where I begin and you end.  We need to help others love who they are and find their own voice.  We need to discuss what it means to be aware.  We need to be very careful with each other's hearts. We need to take ownership of our feelings and not blame others for the things that don't belong to them (like our feelings).  We need to understand when we judge others we are judging ourselves.  We need to understand that we cannot always be comfortable and things aren't always going to be the way we would prefer them to be, nor are people.  We need to understand that it isn't our responsibility to put one another down or to marginalize each other, but to uplift and propel each other forward.  I believe we need to first do this for ourselves, once we are no longer in the direct care of others.  Once we have given ourselves permission to feel what we feel and be who we are without the judgement, we can decide if it is what we want to keep or not.  Acceptance is power; the power to change, the power to heal; the power to move on.  Our responsibility, in my opinion, is to accept each other.  Embrace each other.  To love.

xo

a

Can You Hear Me?

Hi, How often do you need to ask someone to repeat something?  How often do you have to repeat yourself to others?  Where did your mind go right now?  You were thinking, correct.  Which means you weren't listening.  Luckily I am not talking and you are simply reading.  If I were in front of you I would see that you were elsewhere and I would wait.  Obviously you would need a moment if I asked you a question.  However, we do the same thing, go off into the recesses of our minds, when no question is asked at all.  We drift off, thinking about ourselves, our experiences.  While someone is talking to us we make judgements, we get offended, we get excited, we apply everything they are saying to how we feel or think about it as if the world revolved around us.

Well, our world does revolve around us.  My world revolves around me and your world revolves around you.  For me to hear you I have to come out of my orbit for a bit and listen, hear, repeat and remove myself from what you are saying.  If someone is telling you about their sick rabbit you don't want to be thinking about your sick cat at home.  Though comparing is nice in certain situations (like the Match game) it isn't actually listening in the aforementioned scenario.  Hearing someone means removing yourself and being another ear, an open heart, a sounding board that echoes back what they are meaning.  Asking someone how old the rabbit is, what the rabbit is named, how it got sick, how they are feeling, when did they begin keeping rabbits… etc… that is going to bring the person speaking immeasurable comfort.  When you are interested in someone, i.e. listening to them, they open up more or at least feel a stronger sense of connection (as long as the questions aren't creepy or invasive (overly private)).

The next time someone talks to you, see how long you can keep yourself out of the conversation (as long as they don't ask you questions about you, that is).  See how long you can keep the focus on the person you are speaking to.  See what comes when you remove your ego and truly open yourself to being there, listening, hearing someone without the need to be the focus or focused on in any way.  We all like attention, we all need it.  Start by giving it to others and see what comes.

xo

a

Paradigm Shift

Howdy, Aloha, Good Morning, Moods, we all have them.  Some say Gemini's have a lot of them!  Ha.  Whatever.  The truth is feelings are information.  So how do we begin to get the information that we are being given.  Feelings aren't exactly what they seem to be.  It is like looking at a painting close up.  You have to get some distance in order to really take it all in.  Perspective.  Feelings are also a code to which we have the incorrect key more often than not.  The key we have is the paradigm of victim.

The victim paradigm looks like this:

Things happen to you.

You have no say over how you feel.

People owe you.

"Should" is a word that exists

Right and Wrong are used regularly

You wonder 'why me'

You have unspoken expectations or you expect others to know what you want and to do it

You believe your happiness is the responsibility of someone else

You don't do your own work

You 'don't know what to do' on a regular basis or you say it regularly

You believe others have more control or know better than you

When you live in this paradigm you expect the government to fix the economy.  You expect others to not cut you off when driving and you feel angry when they do.  You believe that your perfect mate is out there waiting and all you have to do is look pretty (or not) and they will show up and your life will make sense.  You believe that God created all things yet many of those things are wrong.  You look at what is and say it shouldn't happen.  You believe that if only x would do y everything would be ok.  You don't know why your life turned out how it did.  You throw your hands up and wonder 'why me???'  You get angry that someone didn't do something you never explicitly asked them  to do.  You believe that you deserve something from someone and that them not doing it means that they aren't right.

Do you know anyone who lives under this paradigm?  Do you?  Sometimes?

The paradigm of the person who sees feelings as a code to the secrets of the universe lives under the paradigm of the curious one.  The curious one looks at everything from the standpoint of "what am I experiencing this for, if anything.  When you are curious you are not judging.  You are asking, you are open, you are ready for what is.  You aren't trying to push things away and you aren't judging.

The curious one paradigm looks a little like this:

You are open

You want to know why but aren't attached to any answer

You do your work, you want to learn about you

You want to learn about others

You feel that things happen for a reason

You don't expect, you wonder

You know perspective is key

You see many sides because of perspective

You relate to others, you see yourself in their place

You see things as they are, from your perspective and you wonder how they would be if you weren't you

You ask questions

You take responsibility for your feelings

The 'Curious One' looks at the world from the place of awareness.  The CO is looking for the lessons of this existence.  We aren't here to condemn, blame, fall victim to or lament over life.  We are here to learn, love and grow.  Think about a baby.  What do they need?  Love, learning and growth.  That is really all we continue to need.  When you become that CO you begin to look at people as helpers.  They give you information about you.  You learn how you feel about things, what you want or don't want, like or don't like, need or don't need.  You get a chance to look at how you relate to the world through how others relate to you.  You also get a chance to see the world from other eyes when you are curious.  You ask questions, you listen to the answers and you believe that by changing your perspective most anything could make sense to you.  As the curious one, you do not deny, you accept.

How curious are you on a regular basis?  How can you bring some curiosity to your life?  Would you want to?

xo

a

"Anything that annoys you is for teaching you patience.

Anyone who abandons you is for teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet.

Anything that angers you is for teaching you forgiveness and compassion.

Anything that has power over you is for teaching you how to take your power back.

Anything you hate is for teaching you unconditional love.

Anything you fear is for teaching you courage to overcome your fear.

Anything you can’t control is for teaching you how to let go and trust the Universe."

~Jackson Kiddard

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Tears.

Bringing Plants Back to Life.

Soft Fuzzy Blankets.

Home.

Possibility.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

Life is full of surprises.  You never know what is next.  When was the last time you were surprised by someone or something???  What did that tell you about your expectations?  Without expectations we are constantly amazed and appreciative.  Lacking expectation opens the door for gratitude.  Gratitude means loving what you get and therefore getting what you love.  Be open to what is… abundance, love, each other.

xo

a      

Success!

Aloha! The rain is coming down on Maui on my last night here.  It is appropriate since I will be heading into the rain of the Pacific North West.  The cruel truth is that rain here is warm and tropical, in Seattle it is cold and brutal.  My trip has been a fantastic journey, travel and food and working out and meeting awesome people.  However, I am very excited to come home.  I miss my bed, my things, a closet, a room without spiders and geckos.  Though the gecko is a spiritual creature according to Hawaiian lore, I am ok with not sharing space as much as I do right now.  Tonight, I picked up the sheets (to check for creatures) then lifted my pillow only to find a baby gecko that wasn't in a very safe place.  I put him outside only to see another baby on the other side of the room.  It is like they are gremlins; multiplying with water after midnight.

I also miss my work.  I was in college when I decided that I wanted to become a rowing coach.  It was my sophomore year and I was participating in National Team Testing.  I was new to sports and barely called myself an athlete, but I was good and I knew that much.  I was also good at describing the rowing stroke to my teammates and I loved helping.  I, after all, was a peer counselor in High School and an RA in college.  At the time I decided to become a coach I had a rather socially challenged Head Coach that needed a lot of assisting.  I filled the role of translator when I could.  It was then that I realized coaching was an option.  I thought the thought and then put it away.  I still had to finish school.  After graduating and picking up a coaching job almost immediately I was enthralled by the Olympics.  It was 1996 and cycling was being shown quite a bit.  I knew that I needed to find another sport to do alongside rowing and cycling seemed to fit.  It looked like it was mentally and physically grueling (a requirement for me) and I liked the way it shaped the body (another requirement).  I also sent into the universe ad dream of being able to work out for a living at the same time I was helping others.  I thought I would have to become an Olympic athlete (and I worked on that) or be a professional athlete in order to do so.  Turns out I was wrong with the means by which but dead on with bringing my dream to fruition.  Working out for a living is doable and exciting and literally a dream come true.

Because I love what I do it is hard to pull myself away from it.  So taking vacation becomes a challenge.  I do need space away from the daily grind in order to gain some perspective, stay fresh and study up.  However, it is a joy to come back to what I absolutely love to do day in and day out.  The music, the people, the love.  I am lucky because I worked my ass off for years.  When I began this journey I made $5300 annually for my first collegiate coaching gig.  I got a raise the next year to $5700.  Loving what you do and doing what you love means you may have to wait for the financial reward, but it is worth it.  No amount of money would stop me from teaching/coaching and training.  I always ask myself this question:  If I were to win the lotto would I stop working.  The answer has never been 'no' when it comes to my work with motivation and health & well-being.  When you would do what you do for free you know you have struck it rich!  That is what I would call success.

What are your passions?  Are you living them?  Are you going after your dreams???  Why or why not?

xo

a

Things Always Work Out

Aloha, Travel.  I enjoy it once I have reached my destination.  I don't always enjoy the packing, organizing and all of the questions that come along with whatever trip I may be taking.  I am no grouch I just don't travel the way others do… Let me explain.  I am not a fan of structure in certain areas of my life.  I am quite particular in most areas of my life.  How I make my mixes, what jog bras I like to wear, what clothing works for my body, what work I take on.  So when I get a chance to be relaxed I take it.  Balance is key.  I am not one who needs to 'know' everything.  If I get a phone call and it isn't someone I have saved in my contact list I don't worry about picking up right away (unless I am told to do so intuitively).  If I miss an exit, I miss an exit.  If someone cuts me off, I may say something under my breath but it is gone before it ever sunk in.  I certainly don't get pissed off.  When I travel, I don't make hotel arrangements (if I am alone) or create an itinerary (except that I will workout at least 90 minutes each day) until I am close to leaving (the day of or before).  I just wait until the time is 'right.'

So I am on Maui and loving life.  Sitting outside in the sunshine writing.  Pretty sweet!!!  I found a lovely big house to stay in with 3 people in the main space and two others that have their own private cottages.  We share the bathroom and kitchen.  In this big house is a man named Dahi.  He is humble and brilliant and may have been one of the reasons I came to Maui.  A mentor he is to me at this point.  Then there is Mateus.  Let me backtrack.  I walked around the airport on my way to Maui looking for food.  This friendly soul spoke to me and was hungry too.  We quickly discovered we were on the same flight and decided to meet up later after we fed ourselves.  At that time (during my layover in LA) was, in Aina fashion, securing a place to stay for the first few days on Maui.  I found something reasonable and booked it.  When we arrived on the island we exchanged info and vowed to meet up sometime soon.  I rented my car and was on my way.

The place I picked was supposed to be a private room with a mountain view and wi-fi.  It turned out to be a really dirty room with no wi-fi and no mountain view.  Human hair that wasn't mine took up about a quarter of the space (ok maybe 8%) and I slept in my clothes waiting until I could cancel my reservation and get my money back.  It was gross.  Around the time of me arguing (yep, I had to argue) with the owner's daughter to retrieve my monies, Mateus texted me.  He was at the beach and wanted to know if I wanted to join him.  YES!  Finally something relaxing.  So far my trip wasn't at all a vacation.  I relay the traumatic event to Mateus who quickly tells me about a place he just found.  They might have another space available.  We hang on the beach for some time, then take off to see the space I am now staying in.

If I hadn't had a shitty time upon arrival I may not have hung w/Mateus, I would have never met Dahi (more than likely) and I would not be sitting where I am right now writing to you about the necessity of following your intuition.  Trusting that things work out.  Understanding that you don't have to force nature.  All things in time.  Most people would look at me having a shitty room as a result of my lack of preparedness… instead of what I needed to open up to Mateus that I needed a place to stay.  Thank goodness I don't need to know, to plan or to organize that much.  I feel like a lot of life is missed when you do.  Before I left a lot of my friends asked me if I wanted connections here or if I knew where I would stay.  I have always had things work out for me.  (So have you).  I trust that this will continue to happen.  It is, after all, the norm.  I feel very fortunate because I am and so are you.

Where can you let go and allow instead of control?  Where can you breathe instead of worry?  Where can you let life unfold instead of planning it out?

Have a groovy rest of your day!

xo

a

I Want Some Things

Howdy! Tis the season to get stuff right.  Oh, I know most of you would say 'to give' but let's be honest… you want some things too.  We have this funny way of trying to be altruistic when it is a big ol' lie.  Seriously.  You weren't put here to not want something.  We want lots of things and there isn't anything wrong with it.  I mean, if you are being selfless and giving to others, who are the others and wouldn't they be trying to do the same thing if wanting things were so bad?  I believe that one of the reasons we 'get' things is because we are open to receiving them, and, if you look around, how much do you get?  I am sure you get a lot of things, which tells me that on various levels you feel deserving, you feel worth receiving.  Make the fact that you do want things something that you own instead keeping your wanting hidden in your subconscious (like a dirty secret).  When you bring it to the surface you are able to direct it a bit more, you can be more specific about getting your desires met.  Getting isn't a sin, wanting isn't a sin, asking isn't a sin.  When you want (which is all of the time in so many different ways) you are giving someone the chance to please you… and you, the altruistic one, knows how giving someone something they want or need feels.  It feels amazing.  We not only want to be loved, we desire to give it as well, in its various forms.

I believe that a life of service doesn't mean a life of struggle.  We have decided that those who want to help others shouldn't want to help themselves as well.  They should be selfless, oftentimes poor, in only a bit better spot to those they are helping.  How would anyone be an example of success by not being successful?  How is it wrong to have abundance and be of service.  Wouldn't you believe the person who has figured out how to have what they need would be able to tell you a thing or two about getting somewhere that you are not, like a place of abundance?  It is like asking someone who doesn't love themselves to love everyone else.  When you have done your work, figured out how to meet your needs or ask for help, serving is done in a much purer way.  It isn't being used to squash the very real fact that you don't feel deserving on some level; it isn't covering up a deep feeling of guilt.  In any case, that isn't really giving, in my opinion.  It is being selfish in a deep and unconscious way.

Own your wants.  Ask for what it is that makes your heart sing without judgement.  No one is served by denying who they are.  Speak your truth.  If all else fails, and you don't believe that it is ok to want, look at it like this.  The world isn't lacking in anything.  We have more people, more stuff, more food (regardless if it is getting to everyone or not, the capacity to feed is infinite), more ideas, more than ever before.  Scarcity is a lie.  When you have something it takes nothing away from me.  It is the argument of gay marriage somehow hurting heterosexual marriages.  One doesn't take away from the other.  There is enough marriage to go around and enough love to sustain the relationships that want sustenance.  My wanting stuff, experiences, my way, doesn't mean you cannot have your stuff, experiences or way.  We can all be in a place of abundance if we just wanted it, openly, without judgement.

xo

a

Be Happy Now

Hello there, How many times a day do you say no, silently, to your world, your life, to others?  How many times do you wish for something that isn't happening at the moment?  How often do you try to change what has already happened by going over it in your head and remembering it differently.  How many times do you try to get someone to be someone else, including yourself?  How do you think your world is affected when you deny, refuse, resist and consistently try to wish away what is?  Is life, your life, that unsatisfactory that wanting something other than what you have is more fun, more rewarding and overall more enjoyable?

Happiness is not something you shoot for.  Joy isn't a goal.  These are states we have always within us, totally accessible.  We spend so much time choosing to dislike what is that we never see the beauty in the moment.  We take for granted all that supports, loves and appreciates us because it isn't exactly what we want it to be or how we would like it to be.  The truth is we may never get where we want to go, we may not be around long enough.  Nothing is promised, certainly not an amount of time in this human experience, so, though planning for the future is important, being attached to it isn't.  The future has a mind of its own and it is better to bet on what is right now.

Learning to love this moment brings you to that state of being we call happiness.  Loving the moment doesn't stop you from wanting the moment to change or be something else.  It allows for you to spend less time efforting change.  When you are happy, when joy seeps from your pores the world is yours.  What you thought you had to force now flows easily in your direction.  What you thought was going to take forever and be a struggle is done with joy and realized sooner than you thought.  Most of all you forget to be miserable when you are busy being happy.  You forget to worry when you trust in the moment you are in.  When you give up resisting your life, your life stops resisting you.

Be expansive, be joyful, be love.

xo

a

Help Me

Hiya! In the past when I felt swamped or overwhelmed I would often stop reaching out, stay home, answer few calls and keep to myself.  In theory it is a good idea to cocoon myself so that I could renew myself.  However, reaching out can help make whatever I am going through smaller and more manageable.  When you let others know what is happening in your world you allow your world to shrink, not seem so daunting and you might just see a way out of the stress heap you are under.  Admitting that I needed help was hard, asking for help was harder.

As a life coach I am there for anyone and everyone that needs me to be.  I hold space for people so that they can better view their world and make the changes that they would like to make.  I help take their stress from keeping them stuck to motivating and initiating change.  I am always inspired by the amazing people who reach out and ask me to help them.  It is a HUGE deal to know that you cannot do it on your own, that you don't need to do it on your own.  Life is so much sweeter when lived with others… when you understand that we are here to learn about ourselves through our relationship with others.  When you allow help, when you give permission, you receive it faster than you can imagine.  Usually the only thing that is standing in the way between you and your ideal world is you not asking or asking for others to participate; giving permission for others to help you.

For some reason (conditioning from our society) we believe that we are here to do everything on our own.  The truth is we are dependent on one another no matter how much we would like to think we stand alone.  We need each other and always will.  You have what I need and I have what you need.  It is about sharing, assisting, helping.  Are there ways in which you could use help but you have a judgement around asking?

I ask for help now.  It is more fun to be a part of  team.  I like the fact that others are just as excited to assist me as I am to assist them.  Life is easier with help.  More fun.  Less overwhelming.  Better, overall.  Giving others the permission to assist was a big step from struggling to make it in my chosen life path and success.  Asking for help made me stronger than I ever would have been on my own.

xo

a

Dreaming My Dreams

Howdy, Do you remember your dreams?  What did you want to be when you were a child?  I wanted to be a journalist.  My best friend and I decided that when we were older (21 years old was 'older' to us at the age of 11) we would live together.  Our basement would be an ice rink and there wouldn't be stairs that led to it.  Instead there would be an ice slide from the bottom floor to the ice rink basement.  I can remember the conversation like it was yesterday and I still kind of want that ice rink basement idea. :)

Over the years I have had many dreams.  I have reached some (working out for a living) and let others go (School of Journalism at Columbia University).  I have noticed when I limited my dreams based on societal things and worked hard to allow my mind to wander into anything that would sound interesting to my soul.  I remember when I found out that Elmo was a black guy named Kevin Clash.  I was watching a talk show years ago where he was the guest.  It wasn't until that moment that I realized that I hadn't ever considered becoming a puppeteer because somewhere inside I had judged it as something black folks didn't do.  I had never seen someone black doing it and had completely counted it out as an option.  The funniest part was I am, in no way, stereotypical with how I live my life.  Still, no one is immune from those judgements about what is or is not possible.  We are surrounded by limiting factors every day.  After that moment, which was profound for me, I knew that I had some digging to do within myself.

Dreaming is so important.  Being limitless when you dream is the key ingredient to finding out what you really want to do.  Taking away the need to know how is the hardest part of dreaming.  We always want to make sense of something, so much so that when we dream we forget to just feel what you feel, think what you think and then see what shakes out.  So, I challenge you to dream.  Dream big.  Make a list of what you want to do, what you want to be, where you want to live, how you want to feel.  There are no limits, there is no right, there is no wrong, there is just you.  Before the phone existed someone wanted to talk to someone else who was far away.  Before hot air balloons someone wanted to float around in the sky in a basket.

You just never know where your dreams may take you…

xo

a

I Am A Writer

Howdy, We all have a voice that lives inside of us and is aching to come out.  We all have things that we must put down on paper, shout about or sweat out that cannot be pushed aside.  Speaking what is true for us is freedom.  We all have a story or stories that long to be told, to a friend, lover, sister, brother.  We all have a story that brings us closer to our truth, that describes our selves… that reminds us of who we are.

I remember feeling like I had to write a certain way if I was going to be a writer.  I would need to be able to describe things in-depth, be super-duper articulate at all times and basically write like my mother.  It is funny how we try to model ourselves after various people in our world that have had some major impact.  My desire to write in a similar way to my mother actually stopped me from writing.  Every time I would sit down to try to write in her voice I became stuck.  It didn't work.  I am not descriptive in the same way, I am more conversational.  I don't have the fancy way about me that she does, I write, as I have been told, in a more raw fashion.  I live that way too.  It wasn't until I gave up trying to be someone else that I was able to write like myself.

Once I was done trying to be other than me I was able to write about anything and everything that excited me.  I could write about love, about pain, I could write about philosophical ideas or how annoying it is when someone touches my hair without permission. I could write about things that I have lived through and things I want to accomplish.  I realized that writing was a way to create the world that I wanted and remember the world I have lived.  It was a way to make sense of what seemed senseless.  It was and is a way to stay grounded.  Writing can be a way to connect, really connect to the world, to yourself, to the one.  We are all writers.  We are all speakers.  We are all story tellers.

What do you want to say?

I Want To Write by A.C.

I want to write about books and the way they smell when you love them. About the dog-eared pages that save my place, and how I wish that I could dog ear points in my life.

I want to write about infatuation and adoration and stupidity and trickery and the torment of knowing a lover too well.

I want to write about singers and songwriters and a musician that rocks back and forth with soul as if it were her mother.

I want to write about the sound of the ocean when there's no one else in sight and my hair is tangled and my lips are salty, dry and quivering.

I want to write about starfish and the rocks they cling to.

I want to write about mothers and daughters and safety and unconditional everything forever and ever amen infinity.

I want to write about lunacy and madness.    About rocket ships and words on arms and mathematical equations I will never understand.

I want to write about her and her and the one that walked away with no wounds, and left me with all of mine to lick alone.

I want to write about want and need and co-dependence, about turtle shells and animals that protect themselves with outer layers, that at times I wish I had.

I want to write about faceless people, I have tried to forget,the ones who haunt me in the nite as I fight with sleep.

I want to write about cold hearts and hot coals on the bedroom floor.

I want to write about a girl, my girl, and the words that fall short each time I try to tell her how I feel.

I want to write about needing, and wanting and aching and yearning.

I want to write about capital letters, punctuation, and form.

I want to write about death and birth and what matters most between the two I want to write about writing and how painful it is. About how necessary it is.

xo

a

What's Good???

Good morning! It is Tuesday!!  :)  Gratitude breeds more gratitude… isn't that awesome?   This only  takes a few moments to do but gives to you for much, much longer.  So put down whatever you are doing and take a couple of minutes for yourself.  Every Tuesday morning I am going to ask you to write down 5 things that you are grateful for and email them to me (keep for yourself as well).  What are you feeling gratitude around?  Here are mine for this week:

Asking for help.

New Tattoos.

Intuition.

Saying No.

Intimacy.  

There are no right or wrong answers.  It is about what you are grateful for.   It is proven that doing this once a week for three months (actually just 9 weeks) makes you happier, healthier, exercise more and less sensitive to perceived slights.  You will sweat the small stuff less and focus on what really matters.

So… what are you waiting for???

Food for thought:

I know that we all want to be open for all of the gifts that the world has to offer.  I know that I do.  I say yes as much as it makes sense to me.  I do my best to say no when I feel a strong sense that something won't work for me, but that is only after many years of figuring out what doesn't work for me.  Life is trial and error.  Sometimes lots of errors so that the trials become less and less severe.  So at this point I do my best to say yes and when I say no, I mean it.  Unless I change my mind ;)  It is mine to change after all… and the same goes for you.  Do what you want and then change your mind and do something else.

xo

a      

The Gift of Feeling Blue

Hello!!! When you are feeling the most lost, the most downtrodden, the least confident is when you are the ripest, most ready for a growth spurt.  Sometimes you may feel like you aren't yourself, you have lost your way, you aren't happy, that there is something wrong.  Maybe you notice a disconnect between who you thought you were and who you are recognizing you are.  Maybe you feel like your aren't living your 'best life' (as Oprah would say).  Maybe you are just feeling blue with nothing to pinpoint the cause on.  It is during these times when you are beginning.  You are starting again.  You are about to be given a lot of information and your feeling so low is readying you to be able to receive.  It is hard to take things in when you are all filled up.

If (which I find hard to believe) or when this has happened for you what was your response.  So often we look towards food, drug (including alcohol or any other recreational indulgence) or outside stimulation to numb us to feeling.  This may be a temporary fix but it isn't sustainable and it blocks the information that will bring you to the next level of awareness that you (or at least your soul) is seeking.  When you numb yourself you don't allow yourself to feel how the blueness changes with the gifts you are receiving almost immediately upon feeling lost.

Let me explain… the feeling of being lost is in itself a gift.  It is a signal that change is coming.  That there was something that wasn't working.  This is awesome!  It is the signal that tells you that you aren't on track.  This is a great warning, there was danger ahead that you are now alerted to.  Numbing yourself doesn't allow you to avoid it.  When you feel lost for some time you begin to ask for help.  You actually reach out for someone to assist you.  You may ask for different perspective, you may ask for company, you may ask for some other form of support.  This is fantastic because we aren't islands.  We aren't put here to fend for ourselves.  We are here to help each other and in that way we help ourselves… and it goes the other direction as well.  It is one and the same.  When you are feeling like you are not where you need to be you move!  You change.  You GROW.  You make choices you wouldn't otherwise make.  You do things that you wouldn't have thought of if life didn't push you towards them.

Take a moment, if you are down, when you are down and thank the universe for the gift of change.  Then, keep your heart, eyes, ears and intuition open.  The answers, my friend, are blowing in the wind.  They are abundant, they are for you.  The universe gets really excited when you are ready to listen… so much so that the answers can be so loud as to be deafening, if you really listen.

xo

a

You Want It You Got It

Hello there :) Are you afraid to get what you want?  Seriously?  Are you freaked out to actually see that what you want is possible?  If not then why aren't you asking for it without reservation?  If it isn't fear that is holding you back is it because you don't believe what you want exists?

Someone at some point wanted to fly.  They thought, I want to fly like those squirrels or those lizards that have winged arms.  I want to be able to jump off of a cliff and not die.  When they owned that dream the dream was then able to come to fruition.  Somewhere, someone wanted to talk to someone who couldn't hear…  someone wanted to dance that didn't have legs, someone wanted to read a book without having to carry the book with them and an e-reader was born.  It would seem, then, that what you dream can come true.  Not dreaming would seem to be a sure way to not get what you want.  Resisting a dream before you let it be born seems unproductive, in my opinion.

I always coach my clients to dream, just dream.  You like salt and tasting different salts, cool.  Wanna do that for a living?  You can.  You want to find a way to work bicoastally and work with people, ok, in what industry do you see yourself?  Until you throw it out there the universe cannot get going making it happen!  Everything is conspiring to support you!  Until you put yourself out there how do you know what you are capable of?  If you don't risk, if you don't jump you will never know what you are able to receive in return.  If you never try how will you ever fly?

Look, if your issue isn't fear (even if you think it isn't it probably is) and it isn't doubt maybe you just don't know (which is fear).  That is cool, no worries, you can not know for now.  Sit, be, and open yourself up to your dreams, without judgement, without filtering.  See what falls out of your heart.  You may find your destiny.  You may find yourself.

xo

a

Us

Howdy, Relationship, whether it is with ourselves or with another, is integral to the human experience we are all in.  We learn about ourselves in relation to others.  When we are shown who we are in relationship, we choose to deny or accept what we have learned.  We choose to take ownership or we blame.  We either hold or let go of what is being given to us.  The choice is ours.

If you don't like where you are, who you are, in this moment then you are going to have a hard time relating to others and at some point, to yourself.  When you spend much or your time denying and lying about what is really happening for you the ability to move beyond it is nearly impossible.  Without an acceptance of what is, what will be remains elusive.  You are not able to find out what is next when what is here is turned down and denied.  If you have left yourself, turned your back on where you are, pretended like never are yet always will be, you will remain stuck, churning and frustrated.  Working on relationships with others and with yourself is imperative for growth.  You cannot only know yourself as you are reflected back through relationship with another, you will need to find out who you are in relationship to yourself.

We all have parts of ourselves that we neglect when we are alone or put on others when we are together.   Having a balance is important for a healthy relationship to be sustained.  Where do you see your place in your life and relationships?  How well do you know yourself?  The constant in all of your relationships is you, so it may behoove you to figure you out.  What patterns have emerged whether you are alone or not?  What relationship has helped you accept the parts you would choose to hide?  Where do you still try to keep yourself from seeing who you are?  When was the last time you had a love affair with yourself or another?  Does it feed you daily?  I feel that your relationship with yourself needs to be your foundation; your relationship with another is a reflection of that.

I know that my relationships with others reflect strongly my relationship to myself.  When I am healthy in regards to my loving of me, I have an easier time with others treating me well, loving me well, knowing me.  When I feel undeserving, less than, I attract those who support those feelings.  If you are feeling less than, unsupported and alone… go home to yourself.  Come back to your first love affair with you or find that love in relation to another.  Let one feed the other, however you find it, just find it.  Allow yourself to be loved for being, for just simply being.  No judgement, no fear, no reservations.

 

Come Back

Come back now

and wrap your

self

around my shell, for I have felt

my core

melt with your words and touch

 

and whatever is left of me

I want you to catch, de-liquify

 

my heart, place it gently back

as we meet eye to eye.

 

Until then

have me at breakfast

so you are strong throughout the day.

~A.C.

 

xo

a

Shine The Light

Hello, There is a feeling that we all have felt.  That feeling of being uncomfortable.  I get it when I ask for help.  I get it when I am going outside of what my norm is.  The urge to find comfort is pretty strong for all of us when we are in that place.  We label the feeling as bad.  We find ways to avoid, delay or crush it altogether.  We certainly wouldn't say we enjoyed being uncomfortable, not most of us at any rate.  Our comfort or lack thereof is a great place to pay close attention to.  The information within that feeling is so rich, so powerful and, in my opinion, where we can begin living our ideal life.

"To get where you have never been you have to do something you have never done."  I can't remember the author of this quote, but it is one of my favorites.  In order to grow, to change, to go beyond yourself as you are today, you will need to be more, different, other than you are at this very moment.  We are reborn time and time again.  We are constantly changing, growing, being more.  For many of us the changes are minute enough to not warrant panic.  We don't notice the changes so we don't resist them as much as we do when they are hard to miss.  When the changes are in direct opposition to how we do something and have been doing it for a while, we tend to dig our heels in.  Somewhere along the line we associated discomfort with danger.  We forgot what growth felt like.  We decided that we didn't deserve to feel anything but good.  We feel.  This is truth.  There is no right or wrong to that.  When we make that judgement on our feelings we lose the power that they are.  We stop seeing the light as an illuminator and we put on sunglasses wondering why things are so bright.  We miss the point.

Discomfort gives you a clear indication of where your work is.  If you ever wondered what areas you are here to figure out in this lifetime first as what makes you uncomfortable.  Republicans make you uncomfortable?  Explore that.  Seriously.  The idea of reincarnation makes you uncomfortable?  Delve into that a bit.  Reaching out for help makes you feel all sorts of uncomfortable?  You need to reach out more.  Life isn't as complicated as we make it.  We have all the tools we need to grow, flourish, thrive and reach our potential.  We choose to ignore what we need.  We choose to ignore what we know.  We put on glasses hoping that someone will turn the light down.  I am hoping to help you lift them just a bit, here and there at the same time facing the light myself.

xo

a